Gay To The Bone

QueerCast.Net Launch Party!

2007-04-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

QueerCast will be throwing our official launch party for our new website, QueerCast.Net on 21 April 2007 (Saturday) at Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco, which is right above MOX Bar and Cafe!

We have planned our program for a month now, and we are proud to say that everything will be fantabulously fun! We have special recording slots throughout the party, as well as some special performances that we've prep'ed up painstakingly! There will also be games, and yes, we have prizes to giveaway too! *hint* branded stuff *hint*

Party Details:
Date: 21 April 2007 (Saturday)
Time: 4PM onwards
Venue: Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco (above MOX Bar and Cafe)
Address: 21 Tanjong Pagar Road, #04-01, Singapore 088444
Admission: FREE!!!!

We welcome everyone! No matter who you are in the LGBTIQ, you are invited! Not to forget our lovely straight friends too!

We are also opening special performance slots for LGBT groups that are interested in performing for a short item on that day! If you are interested in getting your community group involved in a performance activity, contact us at contact@queercast.net! We will be providing video recording equipments on that day!

For more information about the party, visit: http://www.queercast.net/show/2007/03/28/were-throwing-a-party/

A sharing by a Catholic priest on homosexuality

2007-04-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

Date: 17 April 2007, Tuesday

Time: 730pm

Venue: Free Community Church

The Catholic church calls homosexuality an "objective disorder". A disorder because obviously it contravenes their moral sensitivities because the bible (and hence, the church) says so. And objective because there is no leeway for interpretation. For example, if you were to get involved in a car accident that results in a fatality, there is no arguing that someone has died. Similarly, if you've engaged in homosexual sex, you can't deny that it's not real sex because you are straight.

So where does this leave us gay Christians, or Catholics? Do we hide in the closet whilst living a double identity, pious Christians on Sunday, and heinous men-loving deviants the rest of the week?

Safehaven is proud to present a session of intimate sharing by Fr. Albert Renckens, Dutch by birth, Singaporean by residence (of over 30 years), and Catholic by religious beliefs. Learn about his personal opinions on homosexuality, and ask him the hardest question of them all: "is it ok to be gay and Christian?"

Don't miss out on this rare opportunity to understand the Catholic's church's stand on homosexuality. A must for Christians from all denominations!

Please RSVP by emailing Alphonsus at fonsus@gmail.com :)

Calling Animal Lovers - Pelangi Pride Centre 14th April 2007

2007-04-05T14:12:00.000+08:00

Are you an animal lover or a pet owner? Want to know more about how others are helping out to care for little animals? Care to know more about the work of these volunteers and their experiences?

As part of diversity outreach, Heartland and Pelangi Pride Centre has invited Michelle Lee from the Cat Welfare Society and Lynda Goh from Noah's Ark Animal Sanctuary to join us at the Bianco on 14th April 2007.

Come join Michelle & Lynda and hear their views about responsibilities of a pet owner and their personal experiences as volunteers. Find out how their work have improved the lives of the animals. Learn from them we can do and how we can raise our own awareness and that of others.

They will bring some souvenirs and gift items which you can purchase to help benefit their causes.

Cost per person: $6 (cost of 2 soft drinks and finger food).

To sign up, please email [pelangipridecentre at yahoo dot com] to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.

How to get to Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco -
21 Tanjong Pagar Road #04-01.
Map - http://www.pelangipridecentre.org/contact/contact.htm

About Cat Welfare Society and NANAS

Cat Welfare Society
Its mission: "To Save Lives Through Sterilisation".

"The Cat Welfare Society is a charity dedicated to promoting the effective and humane management of the community (stray) cat population in Singapore.

It recognizes that the presence of a large community cat population can be a source of problems, but believes that the best way of keeping the population in check is not by trapping and killing them but by sterilising them.

Michelle Lee is the current president of the Society and has been with the Society since 2003, first as a volunteer and subsequently as a committee member.

Noah's Ark Animal Sanctuary (NANAS)
Their mission is to provide a safe and secure home for the animal residents where they can live out their lives in happiness and eventually, die with dignity. To this end many of the animals are allowed to free run, and we create a natural settings for the others, more often than not resorting to using natural materials around us for example, bamboo stalks and attap.

Noah's Ark Animal Sanctuary (NANAS) is one of the few private animal sanctuary which started in Singapore in 1995. It moved to Johore located in Pekan Nanas in June 2000 to an area with 10 hectares of land.

Noah's Ark CARES (Companion Animals Rescued & Education Society) was established in June 2005 to continue its work in Singapore. It runs educational program for schools, Project Catsnip and Project Industrial Dogs to help manage the population of stray dogs and cats.

Lynda Goh has been a volunteer with Noah's Ark since March 2002 and she has been working with animals for the last 20 years. Come hear how Noah's Ark got started and what it is been doing now. And how Noah's Ark Cares runs it programmes for stray dogs and cats.

OC English Talk: Share your stories – being gaily single

2007-03-14T11:29:00.000+08:00

You wished you had someone to spend the last Valentines Day? Or you longed to bring someone special home for Yuan Xiao Jie (Lunar Calender Valentines Day)?

There has been so much talking about having love relationships. Some even said that having a partner completes your life. Others give you strange look when you tell them you're single. You have gone for lots of internet blind dates and begin to worry you may be single for life...

How much truth is in that? Do you really need someone to complete your life? How do others stay happy being single? How do those in a relationship feel when they were single? What would it be like, staying single for life?

Come listen to our panellists' stories. Come share with us your thoughts.

Oogachaga's First English Talk of the Year 2007

Topic ：Share your stories – being gaily single

Date ：24.3.2007 (Sat)

Time ：4.30-6.30 pm

Admission: Free!!! For anyone keen to listen and share, light refreshments available Venue ：Pelangi Pride Centre @ Bianco (above Mox), 21 Tanjong Pagar Road
(Location Map: http://www.pelangipridecentre.org/contact/contact.htm)

· Be the first 30 to pre-register at contact [at] oogachaga.com to receive a free drink at the event!!!

This event is brought to you by Oogachaga and supported by Action for AIDS.

Pink Adventures & Travels @ Pelangi Pride Centre

2007-02-06T18:10:00.000+08:00

ADLUS = Adventurers Like Us

Yup, so it is all about a bunch of adrenaline junkies with a real slant in some body parts.

Come NEXT Saturday 10th Feb, over at the newly relocated PPC at Bianco, 4pm, we will be reminiscing through our old trips :-

1. Ah Boy diving in clear blue seas in Asia

2. Nam Khim survives backpacking through Thailand with a new stranger of a companion

3. Nick Evol screaming through the jungles of Malaysia aka How Ave Got Her Name.

4. Mei Mei cussing Akasha for being stuck floating
down the Pahang River for 8 days and nights

5. how Miak screamed her head off in Berkelah Falls

6. Eileena's coming out of her ku-niang closet in the caves of Van Vieng, Laos

7. Cactus girls gambling on the slow boat up the Mekong river

8. Dragging on the bus up to KL and not running in the bloody marathon

Naaaahhhhh, it won't be just show and tell of other people's holidays.

We wanna talk about traveling and adventures issues like :-

1. gay, mixed or straight travel companions
2. queens, kings or dunnos
3. setting itineraries
4. tasks and duties
5. DIY to commercial tour packages
6. roughing it out Akasha's Longkang, Martina's Frequent Flier or Prada's Platinum Class.
7. history, socio-archeology vs street life vs sex spa & shopping
8. travel safety and health tips
9. surprises: nice or nasty, how to make the most of whatever shit you're in.
10. pure holidays or combined with missions & work.
11. religion, meditation & travel
12, underwater, seaside, overland, waterfalls, hills, mountains --- choices

We will be having our discussion Fishbowl format, you'll find out what it is later.

Cost per person: $6 (which includes 2 soft drinks and finger food).

To sign up, please email contact@pelangipridecentre.org to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests. [pelangipridecentre at yahoo dot com]

So see you all NEXT Sat 10th Feb at Pelangi Pride Centre at MOX Bianco , 4pm-6pm.

Host - Sheung aka Akasha,
Queen of Longkang Holigay Tours & Travels

Overseas Chinese Talk 1/2007 - Living in a foreign land

2007-01-31T19:45:00.000+08:00

Many of us have dreamt of living and working in a foreign land, desiring a new experience or even a new life.

What about foreigners who are working or even settling here? What are their views on living in Singapore?

Some Singaporeans have spent years working and living overseas and returned to Singapore. Do they think that living in a foreign land is more exciting?

The next OC Chinese talk, two Malaysians and one Singaporean will share with us their experiences and how they integrated into the local communities, so do join us at this event.

Topic - Living in a foreign land
Date - 11.2.2007 (Sunday)
Time - 7pm
Venue - Xpose @South Bridge Road

- FA free drink will be given to the first 30 persons (who register or arrive?)
- For pre-registration, please email to bryan [at] oogachaga [dot] com
- This is an event catered for a Chinese speaking audience.

This event is brought to you by Oogachaga in collaboration with Action for AIDS.

Pelangi Pride Centre has MOVED!

2007-01-24T23:19:00.000+08:00

Pelangi Pride Centre is now open every Saturday from 4-8pm, at Bianco.
(5th Floor, 21 Tanjong Pagar Road, Singapore 088444).
http://www.bianco.com.sg/
(space sponsored by MOX Bar & Cafe)

Want a place to hang out?
Want a place where you can be yourself and enjoy
the company of friends whilst doing a spot of reading?

Come by for an afternoon of community, friendship, books and cheap beverages!

Selection of Teas (Camomile, Darjeeling, Earl Grey, Iced Tea, Iced Lemon Tea, Peppermint) and Selection of Coffees (Coffee, Double Espresso, Iced Coffee, Latte, Single Espresso) at $ 4 only!

Juices (Cranberry, Fruit Punch, Lime, Orange, Pineapple) at $3 only!

Soft Drinks at $2 only!

For more information, please email
[pelangipridecentre at yahoo dot com]

See you at our new home!

Charmaine, Eileena and Nam Khim.

Pelangi Pride Centre's Event in January

2006-12-31T17:56:00.000+08:00

Myths about same-sex domestic violence -

"Domestic violence happens only in heterosexual relationships."
"Gay men cannot batter as there is no female to serve as victim and lesbians cannot be battered because there is no male to serve as perpetrator of the violence."
"The law can't help me and the police aren't interested."

This month at Pelangi Pride Centre, join us for talk by Deeksha Vasundhra, Programme Manager, Helpline and Support Services at the Association of Women for Action & Research (AWARE), as we delve into the seldom talked about issue of abuse in same-sex relationships.

Topics Covered include:

Unique aspects of same-sex domestic violence.
'Outing' as a method of control.
What is emotional abuse and how does it happen in
same-sex relationships?
Why people stay in abusive relationships?
How do you support a friend or a family member who is
experiencing domestic violence?
Where to seek help?

Never thought it could happen? Come and get the facts! The talk will be followed by a question-and-answer session.

Date: 13/01/2007 (Sat)
Time: Begins at 4:30pm
Venue: MOX Bar and Cafe,
21 Tanjong Pagar Road (4th floor)
Cost: $8.00 (includes handouts and 2 soft drinks + finger food)

To sign up, please email [pelangipridecentre at yahoo dot com] to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.

Pelangi Pride Centre celebrates the launch of SAFE

2006-11-30T00:27:00.000+08:00

About SAFE -
Supporting, AFfirming & Empowering our lgbtQ friends and family

Provides a support network where parents, family members and friends of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender people and those who are questioning their sexuality can come for information and resources, learn from accepting families, share stories and experiences, keep communication channels open, and most of all to build strong and close relationships with loved ones. With these activities, SAFE hopes to promote a society with a healthy respect for human diversity that will in turn build up the well-being of all gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning people.

website: (to be launched on 9th Dec 2006)
****

... and everyone’s invited!
Come by for an afternoon of community, friendship and books!

WHERE?
MOX BAR & CAFE
21 tanjong pagar road #04-01
map - http://www.mox.com.sg/contact.htm

WHEN?
Saturday, 9th december 2006, 4–8pm

PLUS...
COMMUNITY FAIR
with ECA-style recruitment booths from different gay + lesbian groups - come meet the peeps from ADLUS, Free Community Church, Heartland, Oogachaga, PLUME, RedQuEEn! and Women's Nite --

Special drink prices for the day! (4pm-8pm) Juices (Cranberry, Fruit Punch, Lime, Orange, Pineapple) at $3 only!

Soft Drinks at $2 only!

DONATION...
We welcome book donations. If you have a favourite glbt book to share with the community, bring it along to the launch.

Enquiries: pelangipridecentre [at] yahoo [dot] com

Pelangi Pride Centre's Event in November

2006-11-04T11:14:00.000+08:00

Communicating With People You Love
Speaker: Mr Alan Yeo, Counsellor

Date: 11/11/2006 (Sat)
Time: Begins at 4:30pm
Venue: MOX Bar and Cafe
21 Tanjong Pagar Road (4th floor)
Cost: $6.00 (includes 2 soft drinks and light refreshments)

It has been said that we often treat the ones we love with the least amount of kindness. Is that true? Or is it perhaps more true that we are just less careful with our words and how we say it?

Come to Pelangi Pride Centre (PPC) this November and learn ways to better communicate with partners, family members and friends. Learn tips on how to let the ones you love know that you care about them, in a basic but difficult activity: communication.

Topics Covered include:

I Hear You... Are You Listening To Me?
Fighting the Good Fight
In Praise of our Partners
Being Your own Best Friend
Question & Answer Session

About the Speaker:

Alan has a MA (Experimental Psychology) from the University of Arkansas, USA and an MEd from the Nanyang Technological University. In addition, he also holds Specialist and Graduate Diplomas in Counselling and has since 2003 run his own consultancy,
counselling on personal and family issues. He is also an Associate Lecturer, Clinical Supervisor and Personal Therapist for some local training centres.

Alan also sits on the Films Consultative Panel (Minstry of Information, Communication, and the Arts) and is a Family Life Ambassador (Ministry of Community, Youths and Sports). As the Editorial Consultant for the teen magazine LIME, he also wrote a 2 page monthly advice column.

To sign up, please email:

contact[at]pelangipridecentre[dot]org to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.

Pelangi Pride Centre presents conversations with Suchen Christine Lim

2006-10-03T12:22:00.000+08:00

"Writing captures our elusive changing self so that we can look at the self, appreciate and embrace who we are." Suchen

Join Pelangi Pride Centre for an afternoon with well-known, and award-winning Singaporean writer, Suchen Christine Lim. On this special occasion, Suchen will share with us stories she has written – gay, lesbian and straight – as well as her thoughts and feelings on writing.

Ever wanted to write a story? Perhaps your story? Why is it important to tell our stories? Why is it important to write our histories?

Come ask Suchen questions about writing, and share ideas you might like to explore for stories. This is an excellent opportunity to learn how to express yourself, and connect and communicate with others.

Date: Saturday, 14 October 2006
Time: 4 – 6 pm
Venue: MOX Bar and Cafe
21 Tanjong Pagar Road (4th floor)
Cost: $6.00 (includes 2 soft drinks and light refreshments)

To sign up, please email [contact @ pelangipridecentre dot org] to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.

Suchen Christine Lim
Mother, dreamer, tree lover, beachcomber, balcony gardener, stargazer, writer...

Suchen Christine Lim is also the author of Fistful of Colours, awarded the inaugural Singapore Literature Prize in 1992. Subsequently she was awarded a Fulbright Fellowship to the University of Iowa Writers’ Programme in 1996 and was invited back as its International Writer-in-Residence in 2000.

Since her inspired escape from the Ministry of Education in 2003, she has been writer-in-residence in Myanmar, Australia and the UK. In 2005, she was the first Singapore writer-in-residence in Moniack Mhor, a writers’ centre in the Scottish Highlands where she conducted fireside readings and writing sessions in Scottish schools and villages. Besides, Fistful of Colours, her other novels are Ricebowl, Gift From The Gods and A Bit of Earth. Her latest publication is a non-fiction book published in 2005, Stories of the Chinese Overseas.

Her work-in-progress are a collection of short stories that include Morning After and My Two Mothers, and a novel about love, grief and music.

Pelangi Pride Centre's Event in September:

2006-09-09T14:26:00.000+08:00

Basic Portraiture - Taking good pictures of your friends and loved ones.

Exclusively at PPC, 21 Tanjong Pagar Road, #04-01
16th September 2006, 4 - 6.30pm

Your Facilitator: Ashleigh Sim

Learn how to take brilliant images from Straits Times Photographer Ashleigh. Bring your cameras (preferably digita) and start shooting!

Program -
1. Participants to pair up, preferably with someone you dont know
2. Talk on easiest way to improve portraits:

Using the zoom
Moving to a window or a source of light eg. lamp
Reducing the intensity of flash
Compostion: Background, Colours, Lines, Framing, Positioning & Posture

3. Start shooting with paired partner (half hour)
4. Make Friends! Exchange emails with shootout partner so you can email each other the pix taken earlier. Choose one fav pix each.
5. Submit fav pix of the shootout, share views, critique
6. Q & A for any photography-related problems or how-tos

About Ashleigh -

Ashleigh Sim is a photographer with the Straits Times, which she has worked with for the past 3 and a half years. Trained in mass communications (multimedia), she has also worked as a web designer before deciding to pursue photography as a career.

Discovering photojournalism has made an impact on not only how she perceives visceral beauty but also its ability to tell a story.

Her current interests are observing cultural changes, nature conservation, and trying not to eat too much chicken rice.

Cost per person: $6 (which includes 2 soft drinks and finger food).
To sign up, please email contact@pelangipridecentre.org to RSVP with your name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.
[contact @ pelangipridecentre dot org]

GTTB is now PLUME

2006-08-28T11:07:00.000+08:00

Pelangi Pride Centre's Event in August:

2006-08-03T10:23:00.000+08:00

Massage Workshop for Couples, Friends and Family Members!
Exclusively at PPC, 21 Tanjong Pagar Road, #04-01
19 August 2006, 4-8pm

Your Facilitators: Sheung and Eileena

Massage is a wonderful way to bond with your loved ones. Couples, friends, and family members all benefit from the gift of touch! Learn the proper skills to give a good and safe massage and get the opportunity to nurture each other and alleviate complaints of pain.

During the session, part of the workshop will be spent learning massage techniques whilst the other will be spent receiving a massage! The workshop will also include a time for refreshments as well as a time to mingle or perhaps a chance to fine-tune your newly learnt skills!

Cost per person: $6 (which includes 2 soft drinks and finger food).

To sign up, please email contact(at)pelangipridecentre(dot)org to RSVP with your
name, contact number, the name/s of your guests.

What we've been busy with

2006-07-30T21:58:00.000+08:00

More to come!

August is Singapore gay pride season again

2006-07-18T11:27:00.000+08:00

PRESS RELEASE
17 July 2006
Singapore

Indignation 2006, the second annual Gay and Lesbian Pride Season, starts on 1 August and will comprise around 20 events.

The event calendar can be seen at www.plu.sg/indignation/

Like last year, there will be a number of forums on various subjects, from women's issues to gay marriage, from Indian classical literature to the recent general election.

Well-known writer Christine Suchen Lim will be reading two of her stories on 10 August in the event titled "Mothers at the edge". Acclaimed playwright Desmond Sim's new play, "Fairy Godfather" will be given a reading on 12 and 13 August.

Dominic Chua will once again be organising ContraDiction", an evening of gay poetry, on 3 August.

This year, transgendered Singaporeans will also be having their own dialogue session, also on 3 August.

The organisers of Indignation 2006 are a subgroup from People Like Us, a gay and lesbian group whose mission is public education with respect to sexuality and non-discrimination.

"There is a tremendous amount of energy and creativity among gays and lesbians," says Russell Heng, one of the organisers. "The pity is that Singapore doesn't realise the contribution made by gay and lesbian Singaporeans unless one organises a festival like this to showcase it."

Adds Alex Au: "Nor do many Singaporeans realise that straight people too, e.g. Suchen Lim, one of our contributors, support the message that ignorance and discrimination is wrong."

"Indignation is a broad tent. Everybody, straight and gay, is welcome to participate," stressed Kelvin Wong. "And hopefully, people will realise that that party set do not typify the gay community."

"The ultimate message of Indignation," says Jean Chong, "is that lesbians, bisexuals, transsexuals and gays are part of Singapore life and members of our families, and we should be asking ourselves, why do we discriminate against our own?"

Agreeing, Miak Siew, who is curating an art exhibition, titled "Sama-sama", says, "We want to reflect the dreams and aspirations of the gay community as part of Singapore."

Not all events are serious; Pride Season is interspersed with social evenings for light-hearted fun including an evening of Chinese singing at Xpose cafe and the Great Singapore Makeover at Mox bar and cafe. Tantric Bar is organising Paradise 2006, to celebrate National Day.

The Pride Season will round off with a book launch on 24 August, followed by a chill-out evening at Club95.

For more information, please see:

www.plu.sg/indignation/
(email link available from that site)

Events by Oogachaga

2006-07-18T01:21:00.000+08:00

Sent in by: Bryan from Oogachaga

OC Chinese Talk Series returns in July.

Coming out of the closet is a phase that all of us are familiar with.
Some of us had a smooth journey while others went through a painful one.

In our July talk, Tin and other guests will share their coming out stories with us.

Date: 19 July 2006 (wed)
Time: 8 pm
Venue: Expose @ South Bridge Road

********************

OCMEN SUPPORT GROUPS STARTING IN AUG 06 ONE MANDARIN AND ONE
ENGLISH

This message is for gay men who face challenges in their lives because of their sexual orientation and would like to meet other like-minded individuals in a safe and comfortable environment for support, friendship and personal growth.

OC Men is a support group for gay men who are coming to terms with their sexuality and want to achieve a healthy integration of their lives and sexual identity. Started in June 1999, OC Men has since given dozens of Singaporean gay men - young and older - a space in which to develop
greater self-awareness and confidence to be who they are. Through our support group meetings, we explore issues such as stereotypes, coming out, relationships, self-esteem, being single, safer sex, etc.

There will be two separate groups starting in August 2006 and run for four months. One will be facilitated in Mandarin and the other in English.

If you are interested in joining the support group, please write to Yang at yang@oogachaga.com. For more information, please visit our website at www.oogachaga.com

Calling out for writers!

2006-06-25T11:21:00.000+08:00

Straight writers are welcome too!

Your letters are our lifeblood; so do note that we still welcome your valuable contributions and if you have an odd article you wish to see published or an event for publicity, please do not hesitate to contact us at the email address.

3 Degrees of Separation

2006-06-24T10:31:00.000+08:00

Written by Eileena Lee from PPC

3 Degrees of Separation
4pm Saturday 8 July PPC at MOX

Lesbian bar fights | Muscle marys face-off | Diva showdowns | Faking it straight | Sarong Party Boys | Cruising for bruisings | TV or Trannie? | AC-DC | Chest bindings vs pec implants | Brazilians or Boyzilians?|

You name it, the myth and fallacies about gay men and women of Temasek, and the entire spectrum of genders, identities, preferences, sexualities, orientations, fetishes and practices that spans between the mythical 100% straight man and confirm case straight woman.

Other than yourself and the 5 close friends makes up your gay family, do you really know anything about the other side? How many gays and lesbians do you really know?

Yes, establishing 3 degrees of separation between the average gay man and woman in Singapore. That's your challenge in our new PPC activity on Saturday July 8.

This NOT Speed Dating, it is Speed Befriending.

Everyone will have 5 minutes to establish exactly how each of you is connected to the other, man or woman. It is not that hard, we are a small country, contained almost to the point of social incest.

What is counted as valid connections?

--- real facts like schools attended, church, friends, relations, old affairs, previous sex partners, dates, business links, HDB estates, idol fan clubs, saunas and other things that really did happened.

What is not counted?

--- my ideal man or woman, who I fantasize about, the goalkeeper in the Italian football team (unless you actually did managed to sleep with him rather than his laundry shop's janitor's son)

And what's in this for you?
--- No prizes. But a chance to have a few more friends to go clubbing, eat ice kachang and movies with. And for a lucky few, something more than friendship but you shouldn't take my word for it.

Slave Driver & Ring Mistress - Akasha aka Sheung & Millie

Time Bitch - our Matchstick Bitch aka Chris

Pay a subsidised cost of $6 per person for a soft drink + makan and a chance to meet new people!

In order for us to organise catering, please do RSVP by emailing pelangipridecentre@yahoo.com
the following -
* your name
* the name/s of your guests, if any.

Women's Nite

2006-06-16T00:08:00.000+08:00

A new link for Women's Nite has been added under Activity Organisations. Do take time to visit their website. Here's a writeup on what they are about, courtesy of the Women's Nite team:

Women's Nite provides a safe, neutral and alcohol-free space for lesbians and bisexual women in Singapore to gather and discuss the issues relevant to their lives. The event, held on the last Saturday of every month, was started in December 2003. Over a potluck dinner, we hold discussions on wide-ranging topics like self-acceptance, homophobia, relationships and identity. We also invite special guests to field questions on legal rights and sexual health, and conduct art and dance therapy nights.

For more, visit: http://women_snite.livejournal.com/

OCMSM hotline

2006-03-10T11:39:00.000+08:00

Feeling troubled and need to talk to someone? Or need to ask questions about HIV or STDs?

Call OCMSM hotline at 9151 6979, we are here to listen.

This anonymous hotline operates from 3 to 7pm on Saturdays and 2 to 6pm on Sundays and is manned by gay volunteers from Oogachaga.

You can also sms space to 9421 9357 for a weekly Safer Sex sms from us and win an iPod Nano from us.

Visit www.oogachaga.com/ocmsm.html for more details.

Note: Taken from signel

Sayoni.com

2006-02-18T17:49:00.000+08:00

This post is long overdue and most of the readers here would've probably heard of Sayoni, a portal for queer Asian women. Do take your time to visit their site. Plenty of interesting articles and posts to read.

http://sayoni.com/

The League of Notions

2006-01-22T21:55:00.000+08:00

Rife on the internet, on blogs, message boards and discussion groups is the controversy surrounding Liberty League and the government’s grant. This multi-layered issue has been dissected and examined at every possible angle, with most concentrating on the fact that they were given $100,000.

But what is of concern to me here, because of the readers of this blog, is the fact that they choose to disguise themselves as a group which accepts homosexuals and guide them through a journey of self-acceptance when really, they preach “coming out of it” as a part of sexuality. I find that simply reprehensible.

Since they plan on conducting talks in schools, I ponder about the amount of psychological damage, which could be potentially inflicted upon young minds, for some of them may be homosexuals who might leave with the impression that they can be changed, only to be entrenched with a scarring psychological battle within themselves for years to come.

I should state however, though I'm an opponent of the ex-gay agenda, it is ultimately the individual's choice should he wish to "convert", which is what Leslie Lung has decided to push for. What I have an issue with, like I stated above, is how they mask their organization into one that helps gays, lesbians and transexuals who grapple with their sexuality. If one decides to make a conscious “conversion” into heterosexuality, it his/her decision and if it makes the person happier, then so be it. However, lulling the young ones who do not have their sense of identity rooted, into thinking this is the solution, is deceitful.

Coincidentally, a Californian high school student sent a question to a website about human genetics (Understanding Genetics: Human Health and the Genome):

"Is homosexuality an inborn, unchangeable part of us or can people actually "convert"? I think it is just the way I am but my classmates and some family members think otherwise. How can I convince them that this really is the way I am supposed to be?"

In a neutral reply, Dr Barry Starr of Stanford University reported that personally, he has not seen “reliable data on the conversion of homosexuals. Or on how well it works, how happy the recently “converted” are, how long they stay “converted”, or any other statistics.” He also goes on to say that there is the rare anecdotal data but nothing absolute to make into a scientific journal.

The American Psychological Association, a professional organization with around 150,000 members representing psychology in the United States also asserted that “reparative therapy” is not effective and may lead to mental ailments like anxiety and depression which are linked to high suicide rates. And yet, Liberty League markets itself as helpful and safe.

Official statements like these are often overlooked thanks to ignorance and prejudice by influential people. A reader from livejournal alerted GTTB that even people like Love 97.2FM’s DJ Dongfang Billy has gotten into the act of dishing out baseless and ridiculous notions about homosexuality, claiming that it is a choice.(Hate speech on local radio) The reader goes on to state that an “expert” from Taiwan called in to say that 85% of homosexuals are unhappy and repressed.

A study done by Evelyn Hooker way back in 1956 compared the overall psychological functioning, emotional and mental well-being between homosexual and heterosexual men found no significant differences between these two groups.

Advocates of reparative therapy claim that homosexuality is a psychological disorder/illness. This diagnosis itself stems from social prejudices and was scrapped from the list of mental disorders.

Liberty League’s contemptible guise as a group which promotes gender and sexual health should be removed, or at least acknowledged. While I’m an opponent of reparative therapy, I believe it is up to the individual if he/she so wishes to change. The underhanded techniques LL has employed in an effort to change unknowing persons has the potential of causing psychological damage. Now look at where the disease really is.

Links:

The pseudo-science of sexual orientation conversion therapy, Douglas C. Haldeman

Answers to Your Questions About Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality, APA

Govt gives $100,000 to Christian-linked anti-gay group Media Release, PLU

The 3 layers of the Liberty League issue, Yawning Bread

Liberty League's S$100,000 Funding Raises Questions, Fridae.com

Why Fund a 'isguised religious cause'? PLU demands answers, Fridae.com

A letter of encouragement

2006-01-22T13:32:00.000+08:00

From: Anonymous
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Firstly, I would like to thank you, for your work on this project; it is uplifting to see such candour with regards to the gay individual.

I think I was lucky in that I didn't have much problems coming out to *myself*; I was able to accept the fact, and move on with my life. It was the moving on bit, however, that posed the problem.

Excited by the notion of meeting like friends, I started accounts at both Sgboy and Fridae.

It's been over two years, and I have yet to meet anyone with whom I could hold a decent conversation with, let alone a friendship.

The reasons are wide and varied, but it suffices to say that various individuals embody the most extravagant stereotypes propounded by society of the gay man; I started to question if my view that such were merely unjust assumptions was accurate.

I needed, and still do, people with whom I can talk freely with. I have a few friends with whom I can, but try as they may, it is impossible for them to see things from my point of view. I do not fault them; I doubt I could view the world as they do either, but having someone close *not* heterosexual would, or may, help.

Being a teen, and a student, I'm not out to many. I suppose I appear ambiguous, neither confessing nor dispelling accusations/rumours. I'm not going to betray myself by outright denying who I am, but neither am I confident enough in outing myself to a mini self-contained community filled with zealous homophobic sentiments.

Reading this blog, however, give me hope that perhaps here I could find other teens with whom I could relate, and equally as important, just hang out with.

Thank you.

I agree that most heterosexuals do not understand how we really feel as gay people. I came out recently, and many of my friends and relatives have said to me that they will never be able to think and feel like they are in our shoes; the possible "sufferings" and tribulations we endure.

Coming out may be a homosexual's most difficult time in his/her life, next to the start of a homosexual relationship. Coming out is especially difficult with your own parents. I think it is perfectly fine to not tell anyone about your problems, or at least find a listening ear to ease your "pain"; I don't know, but what I know is that coming out does relieve some of your pent up frustrations, and it makes you proud of who you are. What a homosexual should not do is to betray him/herself because it will, in the end, make him/her feel worse.

My personal relationships with my parents went downhill recently, perhaps it's due to my coming out, or perhaps it's just me, who needs adjustments of my parent's new knowledge about me. I spoke less and less to my parents, and ever since the day I came out, they have not mentioned the word "gay" even once.

Perhaps they are still in the phase of accepting me.

Nevertheless, please continue to submit your articles. To find out how, click here.

Migration - Part 2

2005-12-03T16:32:00.000+08:00

From: Elsa
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

(Well, actually, this email is in response to the email from Older Gay Singaporean. I couldn't encapsulate all that I wanted to say in 300 words so I chose to email instead of 'comment'.)

You're right, you know. I was once tempted by the idea of migration because I wanted to taste that freedom you mentioned. In fact, I wanted to study overseas for the sole purpose of exploring my sexuality. But after finally getting the courage to break into the local gay community, I've changed my mind now. I've decided to stay.

The reason was simple. All that freedom in other countries didn't just fall down from the sky did it? People must have fought to achieve it. Even though countries like France, Germany etc are much more open about homosexuality right now, it was probably considered 'sinful' and socially undesirable. These countries weren't naturally 'open' and free. They evolved, and progressed, and are at a more advanced stage than where we are in S'pore. That's the reason why gay people have much more better lives over there. And even so, the homophobic element still exists becos it was initially there in the first place. GLBT activists reduced it.

Then we have our country and its 'democratic oppressiveness'. . . Are we to abandon it as it seems fruitless to change it? That gay life in Spore will never reach the normalcy that is present in other countries? That nothing can be done? But I guess the more important question is, shouldn't we even try? Because after all, to migrate and leave this country can give me a better life. Yes. True. But does it change anything? I am merely running away. Just as Older Gay Singaporean said, he couldn't wait to leave S'pore when he visited. I am no less free in the sense that even in my birthplace I cannot find the peace and happiness I want.

The thing is, we can't hide forever in the 'safe havens' of other countries. Yes, it'll benefit me but what about those who can't leave this place? The future generations of GLBT will be stuck in the same, unmoving and outdated society if everybody gay migrated. It was the activists who stay put in their homelands and struggled, who made their countries so free nowadays. It's becos of them that we now have these foreign places to run away to.

And wouldn't it be wonderful, if the whole world was gay-friendly?

S'pore society can change. And it is, bit by bit, slowly but surely. You can't stop the trend of progression. And if you see how gay activism in other societies are unfolding, you'd realise that it's always moving forwards. Opposition and conservatives only slow it down but they can never stop us. This is happening in Spore if you watch the local gay scene. Yes, though the picture currently is not rosy but its much better than the 'nothing' of decades ago. To me, the struggle for gay rights is just like the struggles against slavery, for equality and women's rights. Though it seems impossible in the present, history has shown that the enlightened always wins.

I fully agree with your letter. And it’s definitely not a lost cause. It is doubtless that the situation is moving forward, though currently the picture is less than a "rosy" one.

If we were to take a snapshot of the LGBT community and compare it with one taken a few decades ago, the contrast would’ve probably been glaring, because it wasn’t much of a community in the first place.

Island wide, a subtle change is taking place. Groups of people are stepping up to get themselves heard (eg, www.stophanging.com) for their own causes. It is on the same vein that this blog was started, because a visible platform consisting of different voices and opinions to make us seen by Singaporean masses was not available.

Sexuality issues aside, there definitely are other defining reasons why migration is on the minds of many people here. At a recent forum I attended, the facilitator asked the audience if they would like to stay in Singapore provided they had the resources to move out of this island, and the answer was a resounding no. Reasons thrown up include wanting to spread their global wings, the lack of support for polytechnic graduates to further their education and one even mentioned he had a dislike for the government.

The youth today lack the sense of belonging our peers have in other nations. The reasons are obvious and I shall not delve into them here.

Meanwhile, our struggle for an equal footing with our heterosexual counterparts continues. Let’s make it a place where we can proudly claim our citizenship.

Thank you for your contribution and I'm glad some letters here have stirred a reaction. Do continue sending them in. Because this blog is run by your letters, we encourage all contributions as long as you feel you have something to say. Click here for more details.

Homosexual teenagers

2005-11-29T10:50:00.000+08:00

This is an email sent on the 30th of October.

From: Lim
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

I came across your blog some days ago, and decided that I had a need to email to you.

I'm a gay teen, in one of the junior colleges in Singapore. It has been tough living as a homosexual, so to those all out there, here are some pats for living it up in our punishing conservative Asian society.

I will like to talk about my homosexual experience.

Perhaps it all started during puberty when curiosity really killed the cat. The inquisitive nature to find out all about dick lengths and whether I was normal made me got hooked to surfing pornography, and I guess it all started there.

Yet many a times, I hated myself for who I was. The issue has always received the thumbs-down during every family dinner conversation. Being a rather popular dancer in school, it will be disastrous if my friends ever discover the 'dark' side of me, or so it seems, if it is indeed an evil repercussion of choosing the wrong pathes and surfing the wrong sites. Yet my friends have time and again questioned my sexuality, asking whether I had any flaws in my lifestyle. They couldn't understand why I can be so gentlemanly & sensitive to guys and girls (a starking trait I find in almost all gays) and well, the ability to entertain (like to sing and dance). I'm not a narcissist, trying to promote that I'm an outstanding student. I have flaws like a short fuse, a boastful and insensitive side, as well as an effeminate nature which, thank God, has changed due to His mercy after salvation.

I hated being homosexual. I couldn't understand why I had to be gay. I couldn't even try to stop looking at guys. Every visit to Cineleisure will see my gaze moving from the attempted peer at our female counteparts to the akward gawks at beefcakes across the road at the Carlifornia gym. I felt it would be devastating if my homophobic pals ever had to chance to sniff out my 'horrible' nature.

I had my first sexual encounter which I can never forget. I had consensual sex with this guy whom I met on the net 2 years ago. Not that I was so into sex, but I was keen to experiment all that I had seen from all the net clips. I didn't enjoy sex at all. It was really millions of thoughts running through my mind. I felt so confused and alone. It left a deep spiritual cut in my heart. I never even check out whether I got Aids from him, because I was afraid of the truth. I was alone and scared. Somehow, I felt raped, even though it was consensual sex. I stopped all interactive sexual activities with men from then all, hoping that I will turn heterosexual and become 'normal' one day.

It never happened. Once again, the familiar stares at cute boys or hot hunks, everywhere and anywhere possible, happened again. & visits to public pools just to peek at hot bods. Seducing, or attempting to seduce guys everywhere. I know what I had done contradicted to all my beliefs in Christ - something which meant breaking the Law, about not committing adultery, through lusts in the heart.

Yet I was scared to confess. I was alone. I have never visited sgboys.com, nor fridae.com till I stumbled upon your site since my sexual awakening, because of my denials. I thought if I ever ask fellow gays about my sexuality, they will further confirm that I'm a homosexual, once and forever. And my guy-buddies are sure to turn a blind eye to me if they discover my sexuality. I told my female classmates that I was gay, who quickly dismissed it can never be possible, perhaps because of my huge denials, cover-ups, the change from effeminate nature, and perhaps I was someone they thought unlikely to be homo in this society.

Yet, through your blog, I feel the need to address this once and for all. I care less that my A levels are just round the corner (it's just 2 weeks away). Yet my sexuality is for life, at least in flesh on Earth. I guess I have to face this once and for all. I've prayed many times and asked God to answer me. I know He will definitely answer me, through all these evaluations and dissemination of information over the net. I know I must confess one day. The stress of denial is taking a toll on me, ever since I started denying my sexuality in my jc days.

I admit I'm homosexual. I didn't like sex - without love, like my first encounter. All these secrets - only God and you all know. I really have no idea what my friends will react if I ever spill the beans at this crucial moment. I pray for all of us to know the Truth one day, and to all readers, God bless, for I guess it's God's will that I'm here, having the courage to post up my pent-up frustrations. So long, farewell, and take good care.

To the author, thanks for putting up a blog for enlightening all of us. God bless. Oh, you can check for all spelling errors + edit them. My G.P is gross. It's super horrendous.

I personally loved this piece a lot. His story could somehow relate to my life and my personal experiences - just that I didn't have sex before 16.

Then again, sorry for the loss of updates recently, as this piece of email came in some time ago.

Thank you for your contribution.

Leaving home

2005-11-02T21:27:00.000+08:00

This letter, from Germany, came in nearly month ago. It raises an issue which I'm sure have been on the minds of many Singaporeans, whether straight or gay, and highlights one of the reasons why "quitters" (to quote from the then-PM), though probably a small number, exist.

Minor short forms have been corrected.

From: An older Singaporean gay
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi everyone, I caught on to this site because my niece told me about it. She's a fantastic girl of 19 and when we recently spoke to each other, she told me about a school friend of hers who was going through his coming out phase.

I'm a 37-year-old Singaporean gay guy who left home and everything I knew and had at the age of 21. Now I am residing in Germany. When I read what "Dead Gay Walking" wrote, it threw me back into my younger days there.

It seems like even though life there is much open than before, society refuses to change with time. Being a Muslim myself and coming from the strictest sort of Muslim families, The Arabs, you can imagine that life there wasn’t a bed of roses for me too.

I left Singapore in 1989 and so did many of my gay friends. We go back there once in a while but every time we are there, we can’t wait to get on the next flight to get back home (here in Europe). Without trying to sound too pessimistic, I doubt that the attitude in Singapore will change much because of the influence that religion has on the people. When I graduated from Victoria Junior College in 1987 and wanted to study to become a teacher, my girlfriend, Sandra, told me to pack my bags and get the hell out of Singapore because she said as a teacher, I would loose everything when they find out I am gay, especially since I am the sort who never hid his homosexuality.

My family knew I was gay since I was 6 years old and ever since, that bumpy road only got ruddier. At 19, I couldn’t take it anymore and confessed to my sis on a Tuesday evening, "I wanna leave home next Monday." She said, "Why wait till Monday? Why not go tomorrow?" I did just that and 16 years later, I never regretted for a second that decision.

I would like to say, if any of you gays see no chance of a peaceful life back there, save up and get plans for another life some where. It is a big world and there is so much beautiful gay life out there. There is nothing noble in life when you lead a life of self-denial and not being able to be who you are hope that your generation in Singapore would make life easier for you but it doesn’t seem to be that way.

There are so many places in this world where gays are respected and we don't need to spend any more time in the closet. Germany, Holland, Australia, France, Spain, the States and, and, and....Have a holiday somewhere and let your eyes be opened to a beautiful life. Be willing. Be brave! But whatever you want to have, don't expect an immediate smooth ride there.

In London, I met a nice Singaporean Drag Queen named Madame Jojo. She gave me the most important advice for my gay life. She said (excuse this language but I wanna quote her exact words and translate it later)

"lf you wanna suck a cock, suck the right one"

What she meant was, if you wanna do something, do it right.

Please. All of you out there, being gay is not a disease; it is a lifestyle and an admirable one. So, get out there and be a part of this lifestyle.

An older Singaporean gay.

Thank you for your email. Each time a contribution comes in, the subject matter is almost always something fresh. The above highlighted migration; packing our bags and getting out of a country in which you feel repressed.

Most of my friends both straight and gay have expressed, to some extent, a desire to leave Singapore. I, myself, am toying with the idea of being educated in a foreign university, preferably Australian or Canadian and starting life anew there, or using it as a base for another country.

In the face of adversity and the speed of which globalisation is occurring, migration is a very realistic option for those who have enough resources. From my point of view, it is futile to live and contribute to a society, which views homosexuality and not homophobia as an issue.

Being in a country where gay people are more accepted than Singapore changes your perspective. I gained the courage to come out of the closet a day after returning from Bangkok when my travel dates coincided with Fridae.com’s Squirt in Bed party held in April. My gaydar was hardly up but it seemed, gay asia had descended on the Thai capital. Everywhere I turned, attractive gay men walked by. Seeing them in numbers, in such an unrestricted environment opened up my eyes.

I realised, this is who I am and that I can't keep lying to myself and suppressing what comes naturally to me.

I departed from Bangkok on Thai Airways with a coming out pecking order in mind starting from the most to the least important.

The very next day, I came out to my gay brother.

Though I was barely there for a week, having a visual representation of other gay people and knowledge that I need not live out the miserable life as I previously thought fuelled my drive to find acceptance within myself. If I were to have moved or raised elsewhere, without the presence of criminalizing laws for sexual acts even between two consenting males and the nagging reminder that my parents might one day, find out, I would’ve probably been a different person today.

"If you want to suck a cock, suck the right one." Goes the piece of advice. If migration is on your mind, there are various issues you have to look into. Among them are resources like money, your employability, a roof over your head and it probably wouldn’t hurt if you have contacts and a barrel of courage.

It can be viewed in two ways: As a form of running away from your homeland where you could stay and assert your rights, or giving yourself a chance to chase that dream and make new ones. It all depends how rooted you are to your country and family.

Family ties are a strong factor at the event of migration. It could act as a deterrent, at a certain level and yet be the determining factor when your patience snaps and you start throwing clothing articles into the bag.

I happen to belong to the former group. I told my siblings the other day that migration is a highly possible option for me.

"But we'll miss you." They said.

I should add too, that I'm out to them.

I echo "An Older Singaporean Gay's" sentiments that the world is not constrained to this little island. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, but seeing the environment in which Singaporean teenagers are brought up in, I'm not surprised many of them go through a thought phase in which being gay is "wrong".

For those who think migration is a completely far out idea which you can only dream of, my word of advice is to accept yourself and be who you are to the best of your ability. Do NOT let the environment and people stifle your sense of identity. You are who you are and you should never apologise for it.

Loss of updates

2005-10-30T23:18:00.000+08:00

I am very concerned that recently this blog has been lacking in updates, while we still have 2 contributions at hand that needs to be settled.

Me, GayGuy, is a 17 year old Chinese GCE "O" Level candidate. My exams starts in a few days time, but I promise that the contributions will surface on this blog soon.

Zee, is a 19 year old Malay Polytechnic student. He is currently busy writing up an article, while he still needs to juggle between his studies.

I believe this blog has been a great blessing to many readers out there, and I promise that we will be as dedicated as we are to bring you articles from our contributors. We really need your help to spread the word. We want to target our blog on teenaged homosexuals, and therefore, if you know any of them, tell them about this blog.

Meanwhile, I felt the recent article "The keyboard activist speaks" featured on Tomorrow.sg is worthy of publishing on this site.

-----

the keyboard activist speaks
THIS IS NOT A LIST-THE-NEGATIVITY EXERCISE AND THERE ARE A NUMBER OF COUNTER-EXAMPLES BUT THEY ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. I FIGURED A FAIR NUMBER OF PEOPLE READ MY JOURNAL AND IT MIGHT BE A GOOD PLACE TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUT HOW MUCH HATE THERE IS OUT THERE. THIS IS NOT SO MUCH ABOUT SCREWED-UP GENDER ROLES BUT BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

(Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong.)

A heterosexual look into homosexuality

2005-10-15T17:20:00.000+08:00

We are excited as we recieved this submission from a heterosexual female. The letter talks about deeper issues, rather than just "what queers can do".

This is an email sent on the 9th of October.

From: Cher
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

There is a thin line differentiating from what is ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’.

‘Natural’ is what is defined as “conforming to the usual or ordinary course of nature”. ‘Unnatural’? “Inconsistent with an individual pattern or custom”. The definitions itself are blurry, the lines oh-so-vague. How does one come to the conclusion that something is ‘natural’ and some other thing is not? How does society as a whole deem something as accepted because it is ‘natural’ and shun it when it is not?

And so goes the gay community in Singapore, and to a certain extent, the world. They are ostracized for “going against the norm” and looked upon with disdain because they are perceived as ‘unnatural’, amongst a sea of human beings who are heterosexual and ‘normal’. Homosexuality is seen as a ‘bad habit’, sometimes even a ‘vice’, and just ‘wrong’, whereas ex-convicts, drinkers, gamblers, drug abusers and adulterers are given second chances in life. It seems that once you come out as a homosexual, your life is destined to be doomed, all your dreams and aspirations slowly seeping down the drain, and you are subject to a life of discrimination and stigma.

I am a heterosexual female living in Singapore. I have never been homosexual before, and will never be, because I simply do not have such inclinations. I want to speak out for the homosexual minority here, they who are being judged upon and looked down on without being given a chance to shine, to contribute to the society and community as a whole, and for the majority out there to accept them as human beings and human beings alone, without any labels attached to them. It saddens me greatly when I see people forming their own judgments on what gay people are really like, and to lump everyone in the gay ‘category’ into a stereotype, calling what they have a ‘lifestyle’.

If there really is a gay ‘lifestyle’, where is the straight ‘lifestyle’? When we see straight men going to clubs to pick up girls for one-night stands or to visit call girls in Geylang, why isn’t this defined as a “straight lifestyle”? And why aren’t all straight men seen as typically being this way? When we see the gay men who have lots of sex we immediately jump to the conclusion that ALL gay men are the same. I understand that one rotten apple infects the entire box and all that, but we should take a step back, take a breather, and examine everything from a wider point of view.

It is because of this stereotype that the gay community is suffering. I believe in equality for everyone. This translates to me believing that everyone should have the exact same rights by default, regardless of their race, religion, social standing, and sexual orientation, on the sole basis that they are human beings. Being a human being is a right in itself, and there should not be any social bias as to what you “should do” and “should not do”. Of course, we draw the line at criminal offences, which harm others, but does being a homosexual harm other people? Homosexuals should be given the same rights as heterosexuals. Just because they are attracted to and fall in love with members of the same sex does not mean they are committing a heinous sin. Artificial insemination is not natural, so does it mean it is wrong? Along the same lines, how about abortion, sterilization and contraception? Are they not “going against” the natural cycle of life too? Homosexuality is not a disease that breeds or a phenomenon that snowballs.

Being gay is not a choice, and neither is it a ‘lifestyle’ that people CHOOSE to adopt. They are gay because they just are, and they cannot help it. Think about it – in a society that is mainly made up of heterosexuals, why would anyone suddenly decide, “Hey, I want to be gay,” and subject themselves to discrimination? Homosexuality HAS been observed in animals, so who is to judge that such and such is not ‘natural’ anymore?

“Heterosexuality is not normal; it’s just common.” Food for thought, no? I seriously hope that everyone will start accepting homosexuals for who they are, and let them have their place in society. Everything is subjective; so let them have a chance to live their lives just as rightly as every other human being should. Who they decide to sleep with at the end of the day does not affect their morals or who they are as people.

I have to say that I totally agree to all the points stated.

After everything that was said, I still believe that it is entirely up to an individual to choose if homosexuals should be accepted or not. I feel that a gay individual should not force, but rather to gradually affect the lives of heterosexuals around them, show concern over their lives.

Logic will tell anyone that if a heterosexual has good homosexual friends, they tend to be pro-queer. Those without homosexual friends, wouldn't have a living example for them to see that we are not "disgusting sodomites" after all. Therefore, I believe, to press for gay rights, we have to make ourselves visible. Even so, there is a long way to go, for along with it, is a web of the individual's personal issues.

Starting early is better than not. I believe that coming out raises self-esteem too. Although the road ahead of a person out from the closet may be bumpy, coming out proves to everyone that you are happy of what you are, how you are made up, and the things unique about yourself.

I do believe that a large number of Singaporeans are open minded people. They tend to be more positive and receptive about queer issues. The so called "conservative" Singaporeans with the said "age old asian values" are like us, as they belong to the minority. I believe a huge irony exists when age-old asian values says homosexuality is wrong, because we are largely affected by modern Western values.

Western? Why western you may ask.

As of what I know, ancient China does not discriminate homosexuals in any of it's Dynasties. Even in the imperial court, homosexuality wasn't deemed as a crime. Portrayals of same-sex relations have been found in Chinese art, in particular, silk paintings and handscrolls which have survived the massive book-burning of the Cultural Revolution. Eunuchs had superior powers in China, as their castration added value to their status. Though it remains to be seen if a man turns gay as a result, due to the lack of hormones most are effeminate by nature.

In the Western context, especially among evangelical Christians, they view it as "sodomy", and "a sin of unhealthy sexual perversions, lust and desires". I respect what they believe in, but as everyone will know, a lot of their ideologies and teachings suddenly became "mainstream" belief. Christianity may not have originated from the West, but they seemed to be the group of people that "glorified" the religion in a greater way. One good proof is that the number of English translations of the Hebrew Bible wins all other language translations.

Also another Bible teaching that went "mainstream", was the infamous quote, "Spare the rod, spoil the child". It has been used widely in western Christian churches and, was further passed down to be used widely, even among non-religious people. The original quotation, which I will quote from the New King James Version of the Bible, Proverbs 13:24 - "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly".

Many people hence view homosexuality as "bad sexual perversions".

Though I cannot totally push blame towards the west, Christianity or whatsoever. The fact is as people got more educated, the more they think. Education may not always bring about open mindedness, but I believe it acts both ways, based on what was taught to the child.

The labelling of "lifestyle", has been the question on my head these few days. Is it appropriate?

I asked 2 of my gay friends if they think "lifestyle" was a foul word in the gay context. The first response I got from my gay guy friend, was a quotation of "lifestyle" from the dictionary.

life·style also life-style or life style n.

A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group: “It was a millionaire's lifestyle on the pocketbook of a hairdresser” (People).

Usage Note: When lifestyle became popular a generation ago, a number of critics objected to it as voguish and superficial, perhaps because it appeared to elevate habits of consumption, dress, and recreation to categories in a system of social classification. Nonetheless, the word has proved durable and useful, if only because such categories do in fact figure importantly in the schemes that Americans commonly invoke when explaining social values and behavior, as in Rachel Brownstein's remark that “an anticonventional lifestyle is no sure sign of feminist politics, or indeed, of any politics at all.” Fifty-three percent of the Usage Panel accepts the word in Bohemian attitudes toward conventional society have been outstripped and outdated by the lifestyles of millions of young people. An even greater number - fully 70 percent -accepts the word in Salaries in the Bay Area may be higher, but it may cost employees as much as 30 percent more to maintain their lifestyles, where the context requires a term that implies categorization based on habits of consumption.

Source: Dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=lifestyle)

As you can see, the usage of the word did drive up a sort of a "controversy" before. My friend stands that usage of this word with being gay, isn't correct.

I then moved on to ask my lesbian friend, who is currently in a relationship.

She explained that "lifestyle" is a safe word to use, when it is not mixed with living an "alternative lifestyle". She said also that "there is a negative connotation to the word gay lifestyle itself".

I agree with her that being gay is not a lifestyle at all, but the life I am living is a gay one. Should I be labelled as living a "gay lifestyle" too, if I don't drive up into the details? I think it's somewhat correct to label a person that's gay to be living a "gay lifestyle", because after all they are gay and they have to live with it all their life, and hence their lifestyle. "Alternative lifestyle" on the other hand, separates from the whole meaning of a "gay lifestyle" which was thought to be a "normal lifestyle". The word "alternative" suggests that there is "a way out", or "a way to change", this "gay lifestyle".

I would agree that every individual has their own opinions, and I felt the over-sensitivity of homosexuals towards little "labels" a little too much. Unless the labels are crude, or suggests a certain ideology (like how "Alternative lifestyle" did), I believe they are all fine to be used.

I do expect different people to have different opinions over this, which is ok. After writing what's above, I asked the same guy friend more specifically. I asked him, which poses a foul connotation: "gay lifestyle" or "alternative lifestyle". His opinions were different. He thinks that "alternative lifestyle" was less hurting to him than "gay lifestyle". His stand is that the word "gay" is more commonly used, whereas "alternative" may mean anything.

Ditch labels if you can. I choose to view everyone to have their own "unique lifestyle", queer or not.

An article in Time

2005-10-13T10:16:00.000+08:00

In a study done in the United States, gay teenagers are coming out earlier than before. Reported in the October 10th 2005 US issue of Time, it noted how American gay teenagers do not experience the ordeal of the previous generations, the increasing prepondrance of Gay-Straight Alliance clubs in high schools and changing attitudes among students. It also highlights the cultural war between social conservatives and gay activists on the issue of youth embracing a gay identity.

To read, click here: The Battle Over Gay Teens

Embracing our own diversity

2005-10-07T19:55:00.000+08:00

The subject matter of the following letter has highlighted the position of those in the minority of the minority. It has opened up an area not many people have spoken of.

This is an email sent on the 7th of October.

From: Dead Gay Walking
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Tears are streaming down my cheeks right now as I type. I am not going to bother sounding composed, tactful or gentle. I'll put it as it is because I'm upset. I hate everything about being gay. I hate how I'm being discriminated against not only by straight people but by other gay people too.

I'm an 18-year-old Indian "Muslim" who had a staunch religious background. All my life, I've been in an all boys, school with the exception of junior college. Since young I've been made fun of by my peers. I am effeminate by nature and I get called names like "sissy", "bapok", "pondan" and "ah gua" all the time.

I grew into my teenaged years with those labels in mind. I've never enjoyed playing rugby or all the tough sports the other boys always play. As such, I've always borne the brunt of their jokes.

Even in the gay circle, people avoid or choose not to talk to me because I'm effeminate and Indian. You think you have it bad if you're chubby? Try being me. Try being in the minority of the minority of the minority.

So I'm gay and carry the stigma that I'm more susceptible to HIV. Utter rubbish. I would change if I could, but no, I've been attracted to other males ever since I entered puberty.

Singaporean newspapers carry negative press, which feeds a society that is becoming increasingly homophobic. Nothing is helping me out here, nothing is making me feel good about myself. They make it seem like it's a choice. When really, they don't know we're having it tough. I'm having it tough.

And to put the icing on the cake, I have a faith, which says I'll go to hell. Well, guess what? I already am in it.

People need to know that their actions and words have a butterfly effect. Even the negative articles about homosexuals affect me deeply. If one day, I really do end my life instead of just thinking about it, just know, my name will be in their hands. And I doubt they'll know it.

We sent an email to which we've yet to receive a response.

This is an email sent as a reply to Dead Gay Walking.

From: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com
To: Dead Gay Walking

The second last sentence of the last paragraph left me worried. Please, do not do anything that will put yourself and your loved ones in jeopardy. Life is tough, yes, and that's a given but what shows our strength of character is how you pick yourself up from the pits and face up to the challenge. While I've tried scouting for help lines for troubled gay teenagers to call, I've come up with none. However, there are counseling services that may help. Oogachaga (http://www.oogachaga.com) is one of them. I hope you give them a call for what I say here can only do so much.

Just know that you are not alone. You never are.

Students, being immature can hardly respect the individual. To me, you have shown resilience and emotional strength in handling these people. You've probably endured more in your life than the whole bunch of them put together. In fact, this letter sounds a lot like your breaking point, that you're finally sick of it.

It might all sound clichéd, but my concern is genuine. And at worse, you might scoff at me and brush me off as some guy who doesn't know what you're going through. But do seek help. I have taken the following addresses from Oogachaga.com for you to contact and make an appointment: (please refer to their website for more information)

peggy@oogachaga.com

bryan@oogachaga.com

daniel@oogachaga.com

clarence@oogachaga.com

Meanwhile, please be kind to yourself.

Zee

Let's just put it on the table: Discrimination exists in all societies, and I say that as a minority on two fronts. The letter Dead Gay Walking sent has not only thrown the spotlight on the unspoken racial hierarchy in a mainstream context, but within the circle of the sexual minorities.

Because we are a group that cuts across a healthy cross-section of the population, it is to be expected that our own diversity exists. It is rather ironic, that while we've been pushing for the sexual majority to embrace diversity and accept us, we have to question ourselves: Are we practicing what we preach?

Are we embracing our own diversity? How should we let racial minorities feel comfortable within us, who already are the sexual minorities? Removing the mental barrier and differences within our own community would marginalise lesser people.

I'll leave the questions as they are. What the writer wrote struck a chord within me and opened up new perspectives I've thought little about. And I hope it did for you too.

Being gay = More contributions to society?

2005-09-26T00:40:00.000+08:00

When I received this email from someone who did not state if he wished to be identified, I felt confused, happy, encouraged and angry, all mixed together.

Read on and you will get what I mean:

This is an email sent on the 19th of September. Some minor short-forms has been corrected.

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi, this is *removed* who saw the website on Chubsg forum [Link].

To me, I feel that the growth of gay population would witness the drop in population because gay couples cannot help to accelerate the birth rates.

To make it up, I feel that members of the gay community in the community services should help out in programs that encourage straight couples to have more than just 1 or 2 kids in their family.

Also, because gays are not able to contribute to the increase in birth rates, they should make it up by contributing to societies by doing extra on their part in compensation in whatever areas they can.

My suggestion, I know may cause mixed feelings, but it is worth considering and I gladly accept your suggestions or opinions as to what I propose here.

Doing the extra bit for society should not be taken as a pressure but as a pleasure that gays are contributing more than others to the Nation! This is also a positive publicity for gays to clear some public misconceptions that gays are giving societies more problems with their loose morals and multiple sex partners as well as preference for One Night Stand in their open relationship type of lifestyle.

Best wishes!

The title of this email message reads: "Gladly Accept Your Suggestions (G.A.Y.S.)".

I am glad that you expressed your concern for us being unable to contribute to society in terms of Singapore’s birth rate, as we are homosexuals. The words you used, as you have predicted, aroused mixed emotions in me. I was quite shocked at the amount of misunderstanding expressed, although it oddly seems pro-homosexual.

Of course, I would like to encourage everyone reading this post to contribute to society, in any way we can, whether queer or not. There are a lot of homosexuals, just like you and me, living normal lives. I don't believe that our sexual preference should act as a determinant to whether or not we should serve in the community. I took part in voluntary work during the December 2004 Tsunami crisis, working as a packager for publicly donated items. I helped them prepare the items for shipping and it never did occur to me once that I am serving them as a gay individual.

To me, the letter sounded more like a bad ST Forum letter. I am not sure about your argument: "I feel that the growth of gay population would witness the drop in population because gay couples cannot help to accelerate the birth rates."

While it is undeniable that the gay population cannot contribute to the rise of birth rates, you seem to be implying that "being gay" is a genetic trait, rather than an individual's upbringing, where it is not affiliated with their parent's genetic makeup. The ubiquitous question of ‘nature’ versus ‘nurture’ remains.

I believe that doing community work is something that is self-driven, and you did state that it was not something that should be forced out of people. Doing countless good deeds to show others what we have done might be counter-productive, though I do understand that wasn’t your intention. Taking in consideration that homosexuality has always been the victim of careless criticism; the community’s efforts might not be taken seriously and objectives, unmet.

Public misconceptions are prevalent, as people often associate gay men with drag queens, transvestites, sissies, or just ‘gay’ with images of effeminate men in mind. Butches on the other hand are represented as “beer-bingeing” women, if a certain article from the English daily is to be quoted.

I do hope that the homosexuals and heterosexuals alike can cross that boundary of even having to name our sexual orientation at all. These terms, just like ethnic divisions, separates us, driving a wedge in society and causing good friendships to become distant, or even break apart.

I believe you have submitted this letter to us with good intentions, but I hope you do get what I have said in this post. Thank you for your letter, and we look forward to getting responses from everyone, including anonymous readers. We will be "Gladly Accept[ing] Your Suggestions" too. If you are new here and would like to have your say, click here to find out how you can reach us.
Thank you for your contribution.

-Edited

We want to hear from you

2005-09-22T10:19:00.000+08:00

Have something to say? Email all your stories/comments to us at gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or post as Anonymous on the comments section if anonymity is preferred. Your identity and personal information like email addresses and/or names will be NOT divulged unless otherwise stated if the chosen medium is via email. Your privacy is our biggest concern. You do not have to be gay or lesbian to send in your contributions, and neither do you need to have perfect English.

We'd like to hear from heterosexual people too, especially if you have friends or family members who are gay and the various episodes you have been through. Likewise, if you have read a letter here and have strong views, do send them in. We repeat that this blog does not belong to any of us but to everyone who is struggling with his/her sexuality or seeking a deeper understanding of sexual minorities.

If you are new, do take a look at previous letters. All types of submissions are welcome, be they coming out stories, finding self-acceptance or views you have which you wish to make known.

Thank you for all your contributions, and do keep them coming in.

The editors

When you're not gay porn material

2005-09-20T17:07:00.000+08:00

This is an email sent on the 18th of September

From: Anonymous
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

I really should be studying for an exam now, but reading through this project of yours gives me a stirring in my heart, because there aren’t many platforms for young gay people like us to actively discuss things beyond “oh my GAWD, he’s so cute!”. Sgboy and Fridae have their rational limits, after which the whole thing seems to devolve into an online meat-market- a giant Lonely Hearts thingamajig of the bendy sort. This blog combines two elements crucial to gay teens: The gay bit, and the teen bit: angst and all. It’s important, because the above sites marginalize those amongst us who aren’t living Adonises, if you catch my drift.

Having grown up with nothing but Sgboy to guide me through my “gay awakening”, I’ve realized that it takes a lot of positive self-esteem to come to terms with your sexuality within yourself, and then to tell others about it. That’s because it’s so hard to imagine yourself in a world of sex, boyfriends and other phallus-centric escapades when you’re nothing close to the Hotbods paraded for general viewing pleasure on sites like Sgboy. To my understanding, at least, you need to look gay to be gay, and by looking gay, I mean you’ve gotta be one of either Cute, Good-Looking, or Hot. Of all my gay friends, only the good looking ones are ‘active’ in every sense of the word, and the rest of us just bask in their lives of one night stands, gorgeous boyfriends and the rest of the drill. To them, at least, there’s relatively little trouble telling the world and anyone who cares to know about their preferences, because they fit right into the lifestyle, they epitomize the lifestyle, and they embrace it. Even if they find rejection amongst their family members, there’s always a gay culture that helps them bounce back.

What, then, of the marginalized? Chubs like me, people with “less than average looks”, nerds, geeks? I’ve had no trouble accepting the fact that I’m gay, because I’ve got great gay friends who make it that more colourful, but I’ve never come close to feeling like I’m remotely part of it. I cannot imagine myself with a guy in any measure of time, I don’t see myself fitting in with the gay lifestyle, even though it seems familiar (but only in the things I read or hear about.) I accept my sexuality but I cannot imagine myself being gay as the gay world defines it. And that’s ‘cuz I have such a terribly low self-esteem as a result of my chubbiness. I chose not to fill up the “preferred role” portion of my Boyfiles profile, because I can’t imagine myself in that position, pun wholly unintended. Something inside tells me that I can’t live out my sexuality, and sometimes I feel that gay culture enforces that.

I don’t think I am alone in this, there are loads of people who aren’t comfortable with their bodies, their looks, and who stumble at the same crossroads: being gay but not being able to do anything about it. The best I can hope for is someone who looks beyond physical appearances, who, in all cliché, likes me for “who I am”. But until someone comes along to re-affirm that, I think it’s tough being fat and gay, because there’s too much self-conscious clutter in the way. The only advice I can give myself, and those in a similar situation, is to not be cynical, because if you have it in yourself to find someone attractive beyond his looks, there’s very likely someone else out there who’s willing to do the same with you. At least that’s what I hope for the one person I seem to be madly in love with, anyway. In the meantime, I need to drown myself in self-deprecating humour, paradoxical as that may sound to my plight.

Drama mama, eh?

First of all, excellent submission which I'm sure touches the hearts of many out there reading. My response to this submission is late because I thought it deserved to be thoroughly thought out before being published. As a new editor, when I first stumbled upon this project, I thought, "Finally! A place for gay teenagers to consolidate our thoughts and be heard by ourselves and other people. What the writer wrote above is true, because Sgboy and Fridae do not cater to gay teenagers and the reality we have to face upon acknowledging that we're different from the rest. Where do young people like us turn to? Aside from sgboy's forums which I think are hardly effective because of the availability of pictures of members in various states of undress and compromising positions, there is none that I know of.

Secondly, I assert my stand that to be gay is simply to be attracted to the same sex. Thus, to look attractive has nothing whatsoever to do with being a gay male, though I understand fully why this likening is made. Like I said above, it is thanks (or rather, no thanks) to those 2 websites above for promoting this superficial side of people. Even among the straight population, people are superficial by nature. It is evident isn't it, when people of both sexes verbally express their attraction?

I have arrived at your junction once, and moved on. I asked myself, "Is this all there is to being gay? Where are the gay intellectuals? Where are the other gay men who's lives do not seemingly revolve around sex and the gym? Am I doomed to this "lifestyle" if I'm gay?"

If you noticed, I insisted on placing the word 'lifestyle' in open inverted commas for I felt it is the individual's preferance on what his lifestyle is. It is a common misperception that the gay man's lifestyle is to be sleeping around, go clubbing, bring home random men and have sex when you don't even know their names. But zoom out a little and view it from the bigger picture and a different angle. Straight men go clubbing too to pick up girls for just sex don't they? They have one night stands with women they don't know too don't they? And do they call it their straight lifestyle? No.

I live my life in any way I like. I play the violin, I write poetry. I listen to jazz, I go kayaking, I hang out with my friends, gay and straight and have a good time, and that's my lifestyle. Insert the "gay" prefix if you wish and call it my "gay lifestyle". The important thing to note here is that just because you, and I are gay, doesn't mean we have to follow that track. What makes us different from heterosexuals is that we happen to like others of the same sex, thats all. You are part of the gay community even though you don't live out that lifestyle.

I'm glad you are beginning to question the superficiality of the situation. It sounds like you'll live a meaningful and inspiring life ahead.

I have scouted for helpful resources which might be of interest to you and others out there. They are listed below:

Activity groups

Adlus
A non-profitable group of GLBTS (Gays, Lesbians, Bisexuals ,Transgender & Straight) based in Singapore looking for sports, adventure and nature conservation.

Men after work
Organises activities for Gays and Lesbians in Singapore, to build support, friendship and to promote positive lifestyle for the community living and travelling here.

Pelangi Pride Centre
A community space and resource centre for sexual minorities in Singapore

Counselling

Oogachaga
A charitable pro-people pro-family sexuality affirming counseling and personal development agency. They specialize in gender, sexuality, identity and relationship issues particularly for lesbian gay bisexual and transgendered (“LGBT”) individuals and communities.

The Looking Glass
The Looking Glass is a RedQuEEn! counselling service comprising of trained women volunteers who believe in the importance of choice. Their aim is to provide free counselling, information and support without prejudice to women who may have questions about their sexuality, gender identity or sexual orientation.

Religion
Safehaven
For Christians

As-Salam Singapore
For Muslims

Heartland
For Buddhists

My sincere thanks to Juliana Toh from the Counseling & Care Centre for the links above. For ways to contribute, click here. And if you do have other links and/or resources, please do not hesitate to inform us. Thank you.

Family matters

2005-09-18T23:08:00.000+08:00

A big, warm thank you to those of you who have contributed their emails, stories and even short comments on this blog. The first email we received after being publicised over at Tomorrow.sg is from Sotong.

This is an email sent by Sotong in the 17th of September

From: Not Applicable
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi Editors,

Well, just got your link via tomorrow.sg

Being a gay man myself of 30+ years of age, I am quite sure I understand many issues that gay men in Singapore face. However, I do not proclaim that I understand every thing or know how every gay man feels and thinks.

I am out to my group of close friends, gay and straight, and had very good experiences with integrating with the world that I am close to. My boyfriend and I have been going on holiday trips with my straight friends, spending our weekends just like normal, even with their kids and such.

I guess there are more and more homepages and blogs on homosexuals in Singapore, and I keep one myself (though I really don't update it that regularly, sometimes just couldn't think of what to say on issues on homosexuality. I want to keep my blog to be exclusively talking about gay issues rather than "Today I brushed my teeth and went shopping" kind of diary. It is in at http://gayinsg.blogspot.com

My coming out stories aren't that dramatic or great, as almost all my coming out has been met with acceptance. (Or maybe I planned it that way). I haven't come out to my family.

I just wanted to write a word of encouragement to both of you, (from what I read, I assume that you guys are younger?) in living your life fully as a gay man. And dedicating so much of your time to what I think is a good social cause, putting voices together in one place.

Oh, I would very much like to recommend a site (if you have not already known about it) for you to link to. It is not a primary homosexual site (as the author also deals with political and social issues and other articles) but it has a great deal of objective arguments, articles and information which I feel many people would benefit from them , gay or straight. It is http://www.yawningbread.org

All the best!
Sotong

Thank you Sotong for your email.

For someone who has yet to go through adult gay-related problems, it is very heartening to read that Sotong's friends have accepted him for being who he is, even to the extent of going on holiday trips with their kids.

For someone who grew up in Singapore, where the climate here is anything but gay-friendly on the surface, I've hardly heard of positive stories about gay people that involve families. This submission by Sotong has thrown light, allowing all of us to explore what really is out there, through real stories and real people, and not the stunted reporting as done by mainstream media.

One of my concerns, which I realised were unfounded, in coming out to my sister who has a toddler, was that she would treat me differently after knowledge that I'm gay has sunk in. I wondered if she thought I would have an influence over such a young mind, and perhaps, "turn him gay".

It turns out, I was wrong. When I came out to her, she said it simply felt like a revelation which was neither positive nor negative. Nothing has changed between me, her and my nephew. In fact, I feel as if we are much closer for I'm able to relate to her parts of my life which I was previously unable to do so.

I used to lie a lot to other people, my siblings especially since they're always the people I come home to. When I meet up for dinner with my sister to share stories, I used to conjure fictitious female names out of thin air when I tell her I went out with "someone". My dates had names like Fiona, Celeste and Sarah - when really... they were men. Now and then, I had to field awkward questions when she asks, "So what happened to so-and-so you went out with the other day?" To which I'd make up another story to describe how I lost interest.

All these awkward moments where I had to stare into my food and not look at her while making up the stories are gone. I realised the bond between us grew stronger and I've spent more time with my nephew than I ever used to. In short, my worries, though valid, were nothing but a mere dramatisation of reality.

It is also nice to note that Sotong's coming out experiences do not involve much drama, but instead, acceptance. The same goes to mine, though the first expression is usually that of shock.

Before I come out to someone, I make sure I have the scene rehearsed in my head, and in doing so, prepare myself to lose him/her. Heterosexual males were the most difficult for most of them deem gay men to be of a less masculine breed.

All of them have gradually accepted me, and to my surprise, even my straight guy friends I'm on good terms with asked about my "dates".

Over coffee one day, I told one of my guy friends, "You know, I'm surprised you didn't react aversely to me."

He smiled, "I think most people would quietly accept gay people. It's just the small minority who don't and they happen to be more vocal about it."

What he said, the way he said it and the tone of voice which projected such sincerity carved those words in my mind. Each time I read homophobic comments, the words ring once more in my head.

I'd like to thank Sotong for his excellent letter and words of encouragement. To find out how you can contribute, click here. Do bear in mind that your privacy is our biggest concern and no identities or personal information will be divulged unless you wish so.

Ways you can contribute

2005-09-17T14:12:00.000+08:00

I would like to thank the editors over at Tomorrow.sg for featuring this blog. I would like to take this opportunity to highlight the ways you can contribute your submissions.

If you are new to this website, you may want to take a look at previous submitted letters. After which, if you would like your story heard too, please mail your letters to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com. Alternatively, if you wish to remain totally anonymous, you may leave an anonymous comment in the most recent post of this blog, posting as an anonymous user.

Email addresses will be kept private if you choose to send an email. Your identity or other personal information will not be revealed unless you state so.

We really need your help to make this a success as we have been receiving a low amount of contributions lately. Together with your contributions, we can then use them to encourage those still in the closet, and educate those that are interested to know.

Thank you very much.

We've got a new editor

2005-09-09T19:48:00.000+08:00

I don't really accept anyone as an editor, only those whom I trust. I need assurance that the person can take ownership of this blog, to manage it, and most of all, write logical arguments.

To date, I have come out to 3 people, of which I knew through this blog. I am greatly impressed at my own courage.

Again, I am still a student. I cannot juggle my personal blog concurrently with this one. I need someone to help me with this. Fortunately, a new friend of mine sent me an e-mail about his blog, http://homones.blogspot.com/ and just like how I started out, he had the same "About me" post, that described our own experiences.

This is a coming out story extracted from the blog: Rose tinted lenses. Reproduced with permission.

From: Not applicable
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

As a gay teenaged Singaporean, coming out to myself and my social orb is a string of events, like pearls on a necklace. Each pearl is as beautiful as the last, yet unique in its own ways. Hung around with pride around a beautiful feminine neck, I intend to charge forth, into the unknown darkness of life clutching tightly to my pearl necklace.

Coming out to the world is something I knew would happen sooner or later. I'm 18, going on 19 in September. I have an older brother, aged 25 and elder sister, aged 24 and a younger sister, 15. All of them know I'm gay.

It was a step I knew I had to take, especially towards my brother for he, himself, is gay.

One day after returning from Bangkok on a short 4 day getaway with my sister, I texted my brother telling him I needed to speak to him urgently and that we meet up. He called me up sounding flustered and demanded I tell him what it was.

I tried resisting. I really did.

Until I blurted out, "I'm gay."

Silence.

I strained my ears over the cordless phone to hear his breathing. I expected his reaction to be that of shock and surprise, but being gay himself, I thought he would've been able to accept it faster than anyone else.

He was the third person I came out to, and the first person I said to verbally that I'm gay. The previous 2 were female friends, one of whom is a former lesbian and now bisexual (even though I'm gay, I think she drips with sexual appeal). I came out to them, of all ways, by typing the words on my cellphone. I couldn't say the words, "I'm gay."

"Oh my god why are you saying these things?" my brother asked. His voice was curt, cold. The voice of a person in shock and negative disbelief.

I closed my eyes. A tear seeped out of my left eye and took a deep breath to compose myself, "Because its true. Will it be a problem?"

"I don't know what to say. How many people know?"

"2, now you, 3."

Silence. A long deafening one that urged me to slam down the phone and pretend I didn't tell him anything.

"What're you thinking, how're you feeling?" I asked. My voice was calm and assured. Inside, my heart was crumbling into jigsaw puzzles of regret.

"I'm shocked."

Silence.

"I tell you what. You think about it first. I'll talk to you soon."

And he hung up. He didn't even say "Take care, bye."

In that 5 minutes, which felt like 5 dharmic life cycles, I knew, the person whom I've always wanted to connect with, was gone... at least for now.

I left home and took a walk around my neighbourhood aimlessly. I didn't know what to do. I knew he probably had to face some issues, like guilt, but I wanted him to ask me questions. I wanted him to know me as I am. Not as the straight-acting front I have to put up all the time.

For three weeks, he avoided coming home. He has his own apartment somewhere in town.
In coming out to him, I added another pearl on the necklace, a painfully beautiful one. And I hung it around my neck.

As you would also agree, this is a well-written entry. I can feel the emotions seeping out from this post and am really happy that he has come out to those whom he felt needed to know.

I then emailed him back with the request if he was willing to join me as an editor, and very fortunately, he agreed. We chatted a little on MSN Messenger and talked about various issues, and also touched on the further developments of this blog.

I have a few people in mind now that suits the position of being an editor, and I re-iterate my stand we would have a free share of this blog. It's not mine, nor is it theirs. This is a blog that could help those in need to gain more courage, and perhaps, bring about some emotional healing.

We discussed how this blog could gain more exposure, and he suggested submitting this URL to some of the more popular blogging websites, so that in a way, we could gain some recognition from their readers. What matters most is what I deem the target audience; be it homosexuals or homophobes, everyone could, in the end, benefit from the posts in this blog.

I would like to thank some of my readers, who have been helping me spread news about this blog, in one way or another. One of them, whom I do not know personally, but helped by submitting a post in sgboy forums, featuring this blog. Some of the other great helpers are nineaugust and willythecop, who have assisted in advertising and marketing, for creating a funny but informative video. Most of all, I would like to express my thanks to Lady Queer, http://queersingaporean.blogspot.com, for linking me up and giving me suggestions.

If you would like to link to us, there is absolutely no need for approval (unless you are linking it together with words of hate of course). You can link us straight at http://gaytothebone.blogspot.com. Do drop us an email (if you would like) just to tell us that you have linked us up. It's good to know that we are being linked.

In the meantime, if you are openly gay, you can help us spread the news about this blog to your friends. Do what you can to get this message out.

Please continue to submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

Revised by Zee on 18 September 2005.
Notes: Sentence structure corrections.

Out and about

2005-09-06T01:41:00.000+08:00

I am extremely happy today as I finally went out of the closet, to my new friend, through blogging:

This is a personal coming out experience I had.

From: *removed*@gmail.com
To: *removed*@hotmail.com

Hi *removed*,

I guess it must be a great surprise to be receiving this email from me, *for privacy reasons the following line as been removed*.

Yes, I am the editor of Gay To The Bone, and right now, I guess you are the only one that knows.

I was so surprised to see your comment on my personal blog, *removed*. Being a rather small scale blogger, with only a handful of dedicated readers, I was very surprised at how you managed to find my blog and that you actually read it.

I read your blog too. I realised that I have some similar interests as you and, I was therefore wondering if we can make friends. This I guess, will be a huge step for me. :-D

Awaiting your reply. Add me in MSN if you are willing? Here: *removed*.

Thanks. :-D

And oh, good luck in your "N"s too!

Cheers! ;-)

What I guess is that he is very shocked, and indeed:

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: *removed*@gmail.com

I was also astonished by the fact that you were the editor of GTTB! *for privacy reasons the following line as been removed*. Never did I imagine you to be the editor of GTTB.

I am quite open-minded on the net, so making friends with you will not be a problem. But I tend to be damn shy with acquaintances in real life...

Thanks for your concern for my N-Level. I appreciate that. =)

Cheerios!

Coming out only takes a simple step. It may be to someone you know or don't. Whatever it is, I believe it is always a great experience.

We met up on MSN, and exchanged numbers, chatted a little about ourselves, and man, the experience was great!

I certainly hope to take this friendship a little further, and lets see where it takes me.

About the previous post

2005-09-04T17:17:00.000+08:00

I have recieved quite a bit of feedbacks about the previous posting, as many people think that the contributor has contributed a letter that, in a way, portrays homosexuality in a very negative light.

I agree, and apologise for the offense anyone might have taken from that post, but surely, I am gay, and I am not a Christian, and I have my reasons.

This is NOT a contribution but a commentary worthy of publishing. The commentary has also been slightly edited for captialisation and short-forms.

From: *removed*@gmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Dear blogger, I have to say that the recent letter you posted really annoyed me majorly. The idea of the whole later was to portray homosexuality in a negative light. There are subtle hints dropped along the way by that City Harvest girl that by being a lesbian or gay you would need to CHANGE. I honestly would love to tell it to her face that it's a matter of choice yes, to be either gay or straight because we're born to be bisexual. It's rather apparant that she is promoting the idea that those who are confused (i.e lesbian or gay) with their sexuality should immediately seek help with their church elders and what's not.

I personally feel that the letter is in some ways a slap in the queer community's face. sigh. I don't know if you actually picked up the hints along the way when you read the letter but my friends and I did while we read through that entry. -_-"

Regards,
lady queer

I thank you lady queer for your continued support and feedbacks.

I am very sure to say now that I knew the hints from the letter, but I believe that what the queer community needs to pick from this letter isn't the small hints or hidden criticism. I believe that we need to realise the fact that she's changed, or at least from what she claims to be.

Christianity and homosexuality are both very sensitive topics, when mixed together.

I believe in choice. If she's changed, and if anyone wants to be changed the same way as her, I would gladly send them off to where he or she finds suiting.

I don't quite know how to continue on from here, but what I wanted to say is that, the contribution may contain elements hinting that homosexuality is wrong, but my approach was to give everyone a freedom of choice.

Wouldn't it be very selfish if we only provide homosexuality from a homosexual perspective?

Look at the article again if you would like, and try to pick out things more "positive", like she's no longer the same, et cetra.

Still, posting that article up, I still felt that I am wrong in some ways, because wouldn't that post itself defeat the purpose of this blog itself? I realised that I would be committing a even greater mistake if I take away the freedom of choice from the readers.

What this blog needs to focus now is again, back to the homosexuality issue, and leave this "trials" behind.

Note that the choice I mention is NOT choice of sexual orientation, which I strongly believe that IT IS NOT A CHOICE, but I was refering to the choice of religion. Surely you can't order someone to choose a religion he or she doesn't like, right?

Please continue to submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

A testimony

2005-08-31T13:46:00.000+08:00

This contributor has been asked if she wants to reveal her identity, but did not make a reply.

This contribution has also been heavily edited, as the contributor wrote most parts of the post without capitialisation, proper sentences, short forms, and spelling mistakes.

I have tried as much as possible to keep the original meaning of this email.

From: *removed*@liquidcement.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi. I am not sure what your name is.

I was surfing the net and chanced upon your blog. I'm from City Harvest Church too and I used to be a lesbian myself too.

I guess all along, I was more guyish than girlish since young, but didn't know my behavior isn't really the norm compared to other gals. Anyway, I remembered telling myself and others that I will never become a lesbian but I fell into it at the later part of my secondary 3 life. I was from a girls school so to speak.

I got involved with my school team captain. I was the vice captain. Before I got into the relationship, I was really struggling to break free. Though I didn't read the rest of your blog, I understood what you meant when you said you wanted the people in church to understand.

It was especially tough because I came to church and got saved only in March, during the Easter period in secondary 3. So I didn't really build any meaningful or strong friendships that I can fall back on while facing this temptation.

I didn't know how to use the scriptures to defend myself. I didn't know how to pray. What I remembered was, for the next 3 months or so, I spent every night crying to God. I would play the little that I knew on my guitar and just cry out to God. I didn't know what to pray or what to say, so I just kept saying, "Jesus, take away this from me. It's getting really hard to bear..."

I guess I was too afraid to share with those in the cell group, and I ended up seeking advice from people who are already lesbians in my class. I am kinda like sealed my fate for the rest of the story.

They believed in God but didn't bother to persuade me out of it. Instead, they got real excited about me liking someone and tried to hook me up.

So I backslid after struggling to break free for months. No one knew why I backslid till my classmate (who brought me to church) found out that I was now attached to a gal. So anyway, I came back to church after the incident.

No one asked me to go back. Guess it was a hard and sensitive topic to talk about. I wanted to go back as I missed God. And so went through a lot of stuff before I managed to step into the church again.

I came back to church, my previous cell group member has risen up to become a cell group leader, leading the cell group am in. So she slowly opened up my life to share about the past. And I started to share bits and pieces of it.

To cut the story short, it took me 2 years in church to let it go to God. I was still affected and tempted time and again. I struggled to hide my past from my cell group members, and the things I faced in church. Yet, I knew they still loved me and wouldn't mind my past. I knew was my own barrier.

2 years later at a conference, I was really upset that day as it was supposed to be my "anniversary" date with her. I went for a church conference grudgingly and didn't listen to the sermon as well. But halfway through the sermon, God showed me a picture. Right in the middle of the preaching! I saw a broken and tattered heart being sewn back by a hand, and I heard God said, "I've sewn back your heart". I started to cry. I was very touched by God.

Fast forward 5 years later, which is this year, I won't call myself a lesbian anymore. I still do get tempted to go back to the previous lifestyle and once in a while, I can be moved by gals as well. I tried to believe that I was borned a male and not a female, and I tried to get my genes checked out too. I struggled with such thoughts every now and then.

I don't know if you still believe in Jesus now, but I really believe it is a choice we make. I used to think that perhaps, I should just leave church and become a lesbian for life, and that could really be my life. But I really feel it's more of a psychological, heart issue than our genetic makeup.

At the end of the day, we can argue all we want about us being born a gay or a lesbian, but a report once said, your body can never lie. If it's a girl, it's a girl. If it's a boy, it's a boy.

Right now, I'm a cell leader leading a group of young people. I have met many who are like me in the past as well. And now, I share my story and experience openly to those who wants to hear. I'm not saying I'm perfect now, because I do face temptations sometimes. That's how life should be.

But life is also a choice we choose to make.

Perhaps, you should try sharing with your closer friends in the cell group or you've made in church. It really helps to have friends in church or cell group to help you when dealing with this. I had my cell group leader who tried her best to help me, support me and encourage me.

Right now, I have a member who used to be a gay too. He shared openly about his past with me. I don't look down on him, but I watch out for him.

Pastor Sy Rogers said that we need to deal with our inner needs. Otherwise they will be manifested outwardly and we bear the brunt of it; the shame, the hurt and the guilt, and the helplessness.

I may be not into lesbianism now, but I still got to deal with it. He also said, the experience may be over, but there will and can still be residue in your life. Well, I do still have the residue in my life, but I don't allow it to dictate my life.

I'd better end here. I hope you've been blessed by my sharing. Look forward to your correspondence if you would like.

Be Blessed,
Someone Changed

I really appreciate someone having the same experiences sharing how her life was changed by a touch of God. Seriously, I am not jealous of her being a changed person, where I couldn't. I am happy for her that she's changed and no longer the same. If religion and God can seriously change a person like that, I would say that anyone should go for a try, or something like giving a chance to let God change you.

I am not sure if this contributor would like you to contact her if you would like a visit to her church, but I will be happy to convey the message. If you would like to visit her church, please feel free to contact me via my email: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com.

Alternatively, you can visit her church website at http://chc.org.sg for information about her church like the church's location, contact number and service times.

Other than that, please continue to submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

Today's Report

2005-08-26T23:37:00.000+08:00

When I saw this report on Today, a local media publication, I got mixed feelings:

This article is dated:
Friday, 26 August 2005

Why gay factor can't be ignored

by Vinita Ramani
vinita@newstoday.com.sg

IT'S about addressing the root of the problem, not gay advocacy.

And the problem, according to Senior Minister of State for Health, Dr Balaji Sadasivan, is that 93 per cent of the record 311 HIV cases diagnosed last year came from just two groups - the gay community and lower-educated single men who have casual sex with sex workers abroad.

Dr Balaji insisted that a "scientific public health" approach would be the most effective way to tackle the significant rise in such cases.

So, to prevent the spread of HIV/Aids the authorities would have to take gay sexual behaviour into account.

"The gay advocacy issue is different from the public health issue," he said.

When a question from the floor was raised with regard to a purported "rise in sexual activities" in the gay community and the possibility of a public campaign or education in schools, the Minister clarified his point.

"I didn't say sex among gays is increasing, I have no knowledge about the sexual habits of gays. What I said was one of the high-risk groups for HIV/Aids is MSM (men having sex with men).

Even in the US, 17,000 cases were reported last year was in the gay community. That's over 50 per cent of the total number," he said.

So the Ministry will stay focused on its targets. And if sex education advocates hope to see a condom parade down Orchard Road to raise awareness of safe sex practices, they are likely to have a long wait.

Dr Balaji said that such controversial approaches to addressing sexual behaviour and HIV/Aids "only generate a lot of controversy and news", which is not the ministry's aim.

Addressing members of the American Chamber of Commerce yesterday, he encouraged businesses here to form an alliance with the Ministry to tackle the rise in HIV cases by implementing education programmes to prevent discrimination.

I couldn't say that I do not believe every single piece of statistics mentioned above, but do you think that 50% is too high a percentage for the gay community based on the total amount of HIV sufferers?

President Bush has been trying to suppress the legalisation of gay activities, as recently, he mentioned that he will not allow gay marriages, which was relatively similiar to Singapore. So has he been playing with the numbers to discourage people "not to convert to being gay"?

Singapore, on the other hand, took the statistics and magnified it. Like the recent NKF incident, the number of HIV positive patients may have also been jacked up, with special mention about the "serious rise" in gay communities.

That brings me to some questions: Does homosexuals get infected with HIV more easily? Based on the view of human's immunity system, will all homosexuals actually be "weaker" in a sense that we will contact HIV more easily? OR are homosexuals more ignorant than hetrosexuals based on safe-sex knowledge?

First question: Does homosexuals get infected with HIV more easily? Based on the view of human's immunity system, will all homosexuals actually be "weaker" in a sense that we will contact HIV more easily?

While assuming that everyone that is "normal" should be having a immunity system of the same level (homosexuals and hetrosexuals), doesn't that made it clear that the probability of anyone contacting HIV should be the same?

Take the 50% average for an example. If the US government haven't made changes to the statistics, 50% homosexuals, 50% hetrosexuals, does that make a difference? IF 50% are homosexuals, then it should in fact be perfectly fine, as the amount of hetrosexual patients is equal to the amount of homosexual patients.

So why the big fuss? Why do the Singapore government insist that HIV sufferers are mostly homosexuals? Though it was not specifically implied in the article, but anyone reading it will sure get an impression that MOST HIV sufferers are homosexuals.

No government in the world have records of it's citizen's sexual orientation, and take for granted that it is normal for males to like females and vise-versa. If anyone's argument is that the homosexuals belongs to a minority, and therefore the 50% is more like 80% of the whole gay community, his/her argument would NOT be valid.

Second question: Are homosexuals more ignorant than hetrosexuals based on safe-sex knowledge?

Hetrosexuals practice safe sex for two reasons: Birth control and protection of diseases.

Homosexuals practice safe sex for one reason: Protection of diseases.

I dare not say that homosexuals are actually more aware in practicing safe-sex, or will I say that hetrosexuals are more careful. I believe everyone is much the same.

I dare not take birth control as a probable and primary reason of why hetrosexuals practice safe sex MORE, that they will use condoms more often than homosexuals do. I am totally fine if you view it that way.

Even if the above are the reason why homosexuals do contact HIV more easily, will the ban of homosexual activities in Singapore contribute to a successful decrease in HIV cases? Absolutely not.

A ban, will firstly not be effective as sex is something people do in private. People do it and don't mention about them. How will a ban actually control over homosexual activities?

The government should in fact introduce some new safe-sex education targeted on gays and lesbians, so that it could have a better control of the whole HIV problem.

The government says that it will be actively taking part in the effort to decrease HIV infections, while all they did was to introduce bans on homosexual activities, and introducing safe-sex education ONLY targeted on the hetrosexual community. Isn't that an effortless "effort"?

The article did mention about "lower-educated single men" being in one of the high risk groups of HIV, next to the gay community, doesn't that sentence itself prove my point? If lower-educated men are the ones infected with these diseases, while educated gay people are also the infected bunch, doesn't that prove that the education on safe-sex between gays is not carefully enforced in Singapore?

If the whole aim of the government's new HIV education programme was only to "prevent discrimination", how is it supposed to work effectively to stop HIV? It is a great plan to educate the public about not discriminating HIV positive patients, but are they acting more to stop HIV from it's roots; getting infected in the first place?

I am certainly waiting for the next move by the government of whether it will introduce education programmes about safe-sex, not just for the hetrosexuals, but also for the homosexuals.

While gaytothebone is a anonymous writing project, such news will be featured on the site to increase awareness about the current issues affecting the homosexual community, from a gay perspective. Local press may not always be able to provide a neutral stand as all the news they published are government moderated.

WE seriously need your stories of coming out, being in the closet, being left out, and the problems you face living a gay life, your thoughts and whatever you have that is gay related. I may not be aware of such news everytime and if you see such articles that are gay related, feel free to send me an email at gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can simply write an anonymous comment in the most recent post. I will find ways to get to you in an event where I need additional assistance.

Submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

2 Writing Projects

2005-08-25T00:32:00.000+08:00

There are two writing projects currently going on targeted on gay and lesbians.

The first one, is a book, which will feature real photos and real names, and gay/lesbian coming out stories. The author of this book, Ng Yi-Sheng, has personally exchanged emails with me and we decided that the two projects could mutually "help each other", where I will be taking on the duty to help look for people that are willing to share their stories openly.

You will need to contact Ng Yi-Sheng at ngyi-sheng@writer.per.sg so that he can arrange an interview with you in order for you to share your stories.

If you are openly gay/lesbian, or are gay/lesbian that has decided to come out of the closet, do feel free to approach him through his email and tell him about yourself. Before the interview, all the information you provide will be kept private.

The second project, which is this anonymous writing project, targets closeted homosexuals or open homosexuals that choose not to reveal their identity. A very obvious trend is that although there are a lot of people emailing me, submitting their stories, not a lot of people actually used the commenting function to submit anonymously, where I wouldn't even know your email address.

I suspect this was the reason why not many people contributed as they did not want to reveal their email addresses to me.

You can use the commenting function to submit your stories anonymously, and you can also email me at gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com.

Please specify if you would like to reveal your real name if you provide one to me. If you do not specify whether you want to reveal your real name, unless you have specified it clearly, your name will be kept private.

Your contribution is mightily precious. Your stories can impact people.

Keep these projects going. Submit your entries in today.

Scientists proves that sexual orientation are genetically programmed

2005-08-20T15:36:00.000+08:00

I have been surfing sgboy.com forums for quite a while now as people post findings in science that somehow leads to the proof that any organism, either pre-programmed or genetically altered, have a potential for homosexual behaviours.

An interesting article that has been posted on the website is something you will never get to see in local press. It talks about a scientist that altered certain strand of genes in a fruitfly, which causes either a male or female fruitfly to court fruitflies of the same sex.

The scientist said after that, "I never chose to be heterosexual; it just happened. But humans are complicated. With the flies we can see in a simple and elegant way how a gene can influence and determine behavior."

As the whole article is very long, I will not post it here but would do a summary instead.

The article can be found here:
http://www.sgboy.com/sgboyx/index.php?showtopic=16268&st=30&#

You might be thinking now, "but that just happens in fruitflies."

Yes, it indeed happened in fruitflies and if you think deeper in, if it happens to fruitflies, why isn't there a possibility for it to happen in humans? If it's not the genes then what could have caused this behaviour?

Modern science versus age old values, I think you are more sure than me of which is the more relevant source. If you get your hands scalded do you put lots of toothpaste or soya sauce on your hands, or consult a doctor immediately?

If you have only seen these kind of article probably first time in your life, you have been in Singapore too long. Such findings will probably never appear in local press and newspapers, which is totally unacceptable. I don't know why the local press would hide almost anything gay related. Was it part of the guidelines of the government for them not to publish gay-related scientific findings, or have they taken a simple guideline of "no gay related content" too seriously?

It's a fact that has happened. It's not like some fake news that Singapore has just been bombed isn't it?

Support this movement. For me hiding same sex behaviour news is ok, but hiding scientific researches is definately not ok.

Your stories can't lie. Send in your stories to me. You can help us to remove this homophobic attitude in Singapore.

Submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"We are as normal as they are."

2005-08-19T00:05:00.000+08:00

"Nothing is impossible," is one of the favorite quotes from a Christian preacher. Yet they kept substituting the word "nothing" with "gay".

Every faith believes in hope, love, care, peace, trust, honesty, and all the good things you can think of. I am a freethinker, and I believe every religion around should ought to be more open minded.

Family values and discipline, should well be treasured. While that is vital for every family, there should also be acceptance within family members at times when things aren't exactly going well as you wanted it to be.

It is not of other's concern of the harsh words they used towards gays, nor do they view it as an attack to personal pride at all. Some view them as a joke, as jokes concerning gays are so common that I hear them from my friends almost everyday. I learnt my lesson, I kept my silence.

This contributor has chosen not to reveal his identity. Some spelling errors has been corrected. No other parts are edited.

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi there,

I share the same problems as you have stated in your posts. Well I guess, every other homosexual would face such problems, from social dejection to 'circle' rejections.

Like you, I live in a household, that very much mums to the word/term homosexual. It is unspeakable and unthinkable. And at times, when it is spoken, it truly hurts to have a mom, oblivious to her son's sexuality, condemn a homosexuality.

Our biggest problem is that we have been stereotyped. There must have been some conspiracy in the past for people to derive their hatred for us, through reasonings from religion and etc. Sadly, this case exists in Singapore. Yet they just don't get it. We're as normal as they are. We've got 10 fingers, 10 toes, a conscious mind and emotions.

They don't see our already big enough problems that we face everyday. Because most of us have this fear of being in the open etched into our lives, we suffer greatly from that. Loneliness knows us by name. Most of us are confined to ourselves, decomposing our pride and strength as we eat into our emotions and at times fall into desperation and/or depression.

They call it psychology, but I'd call it human... We shouldn't be blamed, because no one chooses their sexuality. We just grow into them, depending on nature/nurture.

Hopefully, there would be a day when we'd be able to be open. I don't think most of us are asking for much. We're not asking for nametags that tells our sexuality, but just people's ready-acceptance, when/if we should decide to share a part of our lives, with them.

Signed,
someone.

I seriously liked it when you said, "We shouldn't be blamed, because no one chooses their sexuality."

I have been bearing this thought in my mind, that if I can in fact choose my own sexual orientation, what would I have chosen? The answer I answered to myself was, heterosexual.

In the fact that I am living in the island state of Singapore, wouldn't being a heterosexual been so much better where you can get proper weddings and a uncloseted relationship? Similarly, I think many people would think like me, that you will choose to be a heterosexual.

So why is it that people are not changing? The answer was simple and clear, because we simply cannot change it.

"Have you ever tried changing in the first place?", asked an inquisitive person.

Browsing internet pages, I have visited several pages written by gays, sharing their experience at Christian organisations that targets to help homosexual males and females to "change". What they shared was that, they enjoyed their time while in there, but they found that nothing changed in them, even with guidance of religion and religious leaders.

Looking at that, I am pretty sure that I couldn't be wrong. I was still Christian then, very active, very fervent, but though I am in a Church which condemn gay acts as a sin, I constantly look for an answer.

I browsed through pages and pages of internet sites again, only to return loads of preaching sermons against homosexuals. It left me unconvinced of what is the true "righteousness".

I wouldn't want to condemn Christianity all in all, as there are also gay accepting ones like the Free Community Church.

Parents, are one big obstacle greater than anything else. Most parents accept their children as gay, some of them doesn't. The reason was that one "moral value" was drilled into their heads; homosexuality is sodomy.

Parents, are ever most loving and concerned for their flesh and blood. Everything you do, everything you get, matters to them. The reaction of what I call "homophobic parents" are normal, as you can just imagine a load of shock was shot to them, by their own flesh and blood. They couldn't gladly accept it, and would first think of how they can help you, when all they can do was to comfort you and brave the storms with you.

They love you. If you, reading this, hates your parents for who they are, please don't. They are the people most caring for you. Give them some time if you have came out frankly to them. Flip the page and start a new chapter. Forgive them.

While I can't provide you with the best advise, as I am still closeted, I think you get what I mean.

Your stories are in huge demands now. Let all Singapore hear who we are through your own experience, and comfort those still greatly closeted by spreading the message that you are one of us. Submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"Gay To The Bone" Project Publicity Trailer

2005-08-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

The long awaited video trailer, contributed by nineaugust and cloudywind is finally up and available for download.

Here is a screenshot of a scene in the video:

The video has been created by them as a contribution to this project, so as to publicise this project and to encourage more people to write in to share their stories.

Click on the picture to get a direct link to this video. You are encouraged to save this video in your computer if you wish to view it as the link might become unavailable anytime. I have not found anyone that can help host this file.

The URL link is available here: http://upload3.putfile.com/videos/30300532478.wmv

To save this video:

Internet Explorer users:

Right click on the above link.
Select "Save Target As..."

Mozilla Firefox users:

Right click on the above link.
Select "Save Link As..."

Last but not least, you can submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"Dig out those insecurities."

2005-08-17T21:58:00.000+08:00

I am very pleased at the current rate this blog is going. I am receiving on average 1 email a day (which is so many for a start), where Singaporeans come out to share their stories, what they think, and how they feel.

It's rather funny to me but, sometimes I don't know if the person that emailed me wanted ~~his~~ her email to be posted here, as I got one email referring to my blog and how I feel, while giving ~~his~~ her comments. It's rather hard to differentiate between a commentary mail, and a contribution mail.

It's hard to describe how commentary this email is but here it is (THIS IS VERY LONG!):

This contributor has not chosen a preference of revealing ~~his~~ her identity and therefore it will be hidden.

From: *removed*@yahoo.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi Gay,

Saw your blog, and here are my immediate thoughts - hang on, it's a long email! =) But I mean well and I guess your writings touched something inside me to want to share the following...

It's hard to say, Hold Your Head Up High, to someone who's so obviously been hiding his, um, bone, for so long.

But if you really do feel 'gay to the bone' then perhaps it's time to dig out those insecurities and start diggin' (i.e. liking) your gayness.

That means making friends with other gays, and creating a safety zone where you are absolutely ONE OF US. People Like Us is not just blanket term used to include gays; it is a truly embracing and comforting way of saying, hey, you belong here. And by belonging here, you belong to society too. (Never mind that society can be blind and dumb and slow and old too boot - we're not here to judge them, we are here to lead our own lives to the brightest and best that we can.)

Anyway, my point is that I'm gay, I'm out, I stand for myself and my partner anywhere I go, be it to my family, colleagues or friends. I'm 28, and I became "aware" 4 years ago.

While you can't choose your family, you can however choose your environment. You are not alone! You are ONE of MANY! There are no reliable worldwide, much less Singaporean, statistics on homosexuals, but a conservative estimate is 1 in 20. Think about it and take a deep breath - that's 200,000 gays in Singapore alone!

If you narrow it down to specific environments and social circles (and as a human being, you choose these circles simply by which shops you go to, the public transport to take, what job you do, where you eat, which library or swimming pool or soccer group you choose), then the odds can be higher or lower.

In my previous job as a writer for a lifestyle magazine, I'd say my social gay environment was 1 out of every 5 (workwise). In my current job in a much larger hospitality organisation, it's probably 1 out of 40 (workwise). But I'm not fazed - perhaps thanks to my earlier exposure, I'm completely comfortable with who I am. I bring my partner to "married partners only" events - AFTER asking officially to be sure everyone knows that my SAME SEX partner and I are not legally married because we are discriminated against by the government. My organisation may be uncomfortable and unsure how to deal with it, but at least I'm making them think. And hell, I'm not even some big-time executive at top levels. But you know what? I'm just as human and as much an employee as anyone else.

At my favourite restaurant, there are 2 gay waitstaff. So at any given average time of 15 customers + 5 staff, that makes 3/20 = 15% gay. There, you've beaten the odds! And you're not even counting the variables - gay customers, closeted colleagues, etc.

But somehow I suspect this is not what you want to hear. You say you're alone, and obviously you're not. So what I think you really mean is that you are looking for a community (going back to what I said about a safety zone). Somewhere to make friends and not be taken advantage of and hurt. Most of all, you yearn for a partner in life.

Guess what? Same rules apply for homo and hetero here. Unless you have talent/beauty/wealth that fairly screams out to the world to be seen, no one is going to queue up and take you by the hand and give you a step by step orientation of the gay world (at least, without motive). A best friend may do that, but first you gotta go out and make friends with that person. And who knows, in a fairy tale, that person will be your soulmate and the one you belong with forever!

The more you surround yourself with PLU (yes, people like YOU), and PLU-friendly people, the higher your chances are of finding a small community of friends and supportive acquiantances (straight, gay or whatever) to call your own.

In Singapore though, the sense of disconnection and self-ishness is too strong, which kinda hinders a true motiveless selfless "community" from being naturally created. What we have now are: 1) nascent politically inclined groups that are fighting very hard for homosexual acts to be legally decriminalised (and note the wording - being gay is not a crime; having gay sex is a crime); and 2) social groups that bring gays together in a social environment where you don't ever have to explain to anyone that you like the same sex because it's so patently natural to us, and where you can let your guard down and simply be the self that you want to be (watching movies about a gay couple; winking at a guy and knowing you won't be punched or arrested) outside of a strict, unapproving society called Singapore.

When I first came to know some gay people in Singapore, I was in despair of ever finding a "true" group of friends to hang with, and who were more than being just party friends. I looked really hard for a community, and then I found one online (RedQueen - for women only). After about a year of reading and listening and understanding, I finally realised that true community begins with yourself. It takes some time, but you need to start with opening yourself up, and learning what YOU are. If you decide you don't want to be hurt, then go ahead and set those boundaries! NO one night stands, no falling for the playboy expatriate, no guilty sex with someone even needier than you, etc. Just don't go too far and set those boundaries so far deep that no one knows you or get to make friends with you. Respect your own boundaries, and let yourself loose with others - if dancing at a party and someone grabs your crotch, smile graciously and turn the situation around (dance closely but no touching/ butt him away with your butt, etc) but hell - KEEP DANCING. That's the thing about life - if you stop the music (learning, experiencing), you stop living.

Again, you're never alone. I have many lovely gay guy friends who don't want to have flings, are decent and loyal and funny and smart, loves a good night out listening to jazz or going to the beach or simply just going to the gym to take care of their bodies (not to cruise), and geez, you guys are all looking for the same thing. So it's not about being alone or isolated, it's really about chemistry and getting along and having friend-making skills. And that's called life skills. Being gay just makes us a little more resourceful, more aware of the bigger issues in life (makes us smarter, I'd say!) but it shouldn't give us a full stop on living a great, fulfilling life!

By the way, "Hetrosexuals enjoy their lives like fuck" is truly as discriminating as anyone can get. You are generalising so much! They are just as prone to the same feelings of aloneless, etc.

This is probably too much to say in one introductory email! But I really hope maybe I've cheered you up a little at least and made some sense.

I'm not going to say I understand fully where you are in life and how to lead it - just want to say, give life and love a chance, and throw it a bone! You'll dig the results, really.

Have a great day!

If you are sending in emails as commentary not for blog publishing, I will be pleased to see a note.

Anyway, about this email, thank you for your contribution and your time, because I know, that to type anything at this length is certainly hard work. I know that limiting the amount of words may turn counter-productive, therefore I threw the idea out the moment I thought of it's effects.

Though I am not too sure about the part you said about the "crotch", but what you said was well said. In Singapore, there are baby steps a gay or bisexual needs to take. The first thing is that we should not be ashamed about ourselves and who we are, and in fact we should bring in some more courage to accept the facts about yourself, and you are out of that boundary. The second, which is the toughest, is the step of coming out. I am at this stage now and I guess I am still a "baby in queer", as I would call it.

The third, is to fight against all odds to go towards social acceptance. As you know the Singapore government adheres to a strict censorship rule towards all content of gay related articles, films, etc. To add to the fire, an often hidden, but clear discrimination to the gay community is present everywhere. Be it in the TV serials you watch, or the papers you read. All government controlled. All somewhat homophobic.

I will not go out to comment all about the Singapore government because it may lead into counter-productive results.

I have personally posted my story in online forums, the plight of homosexuals and bisexuals in Singapore, and the homophobic"ness" of the government controlled press. The respond wasn't sympathy. They expressed disgust, hate, and one in particular said the he was sick of the "discrimination stories and lies when you people (homosexuals) can just stop living this alternative lifestyle".

I can totally understand that. That was where the power of the Singapore government has went.

While being gay in Singapore doesn't really feel like being gay in America, Canada, Japan or even China, heck the laws, homosexual related laws that is. I realised that what I needed now was a good companionship with a circle of homosexuals alike.

Only with good companies can I get a true relationship, and coming out to my family and friends takes a big part in it.

There isn't much I can comment about this great contributor, and I guess he have hit the jackpot. Nevertheless, you can submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

The need for publicity

2005-08-16T22:07:00.000+08:00

I really want to thank the people that has contributed to this project, those that are reading this blog, and those that have been supporting this project by ways and means.

I am pleased to recieve a publicity video trailer, done up by the famous nineaugust, which can be reached at nineaugust.blogspot.com. He was the creator for the video relating to the NKF saga, which has since recieved numerous thumbs up.

One thing I would like to say is that if you happen to know nineaugust, he's not gay, nor is he bisexual, and yet he is so ever willing to contribute to this project, helping confused homosexual/bisexual teens or adults to cope with their sexual orientation.

The last version (or revised version) of the video will be out hopefully by tomorrow, as mentioned by him/her (someone advise me!). I have seen the video and it was great, just that there are some changes that needs to be made so we wouldn't be conveying the wrong message. After all, he's not gay, and I am already very grateful to his marvellous contribution.

This is NOT a gay/bisexual life story contribution. Contributor has chosen to reveal his/her nickname, but has not advised if the mail address should be shown.

From: nineaugust**@somemailprovider.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi there,

This "Coming Out in Singapore" project is a good idea. Looking around in the region, I guess Singapore could be the most conservative country in this type of topic, even as compared to places like Taiwan and Hong Kong. It's about time to let Singaporeans know more about your people.

Born on Ninth of August and Hysterical would like to do something to help you guys out in the marketing part on the www. This video is given to you to create awareness for this project. It'll also be posted on nineaugust.blogspot.com and willythecop.blogspot.com later to advertise your project too. Though nothing compared to the professionals, but the best effort has been put into it. If you're really using it, I'll advise you to download it to your webserver instead of using the link directly because *removed* might not be hosting this file after August.

*The video link has been removed because it's not done yet!*

Anyway, keep the project going! You've got two confirmed readers here!

Best Regards,
nineaugust (name changed to nineaugust)

Thank you so much for your contribution.

I seriously meant it when I say that your contribution was certainly a valuable one.

So, what this blog needs now is publicity, so that more people know about this blog and thus contribute to this project. If you would like to submit your contributions, in whichever ways, etc. video, please email me at gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com.

I have a request here. I will need your help. If you currently hold a domain name with available hosting space, has unlimited bandwidth, and would like to contribute by hosting the video in your website, please also email me. Your donation is very much appreciated.

So to end off, I will just say that you can submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"Perfectly normal."

2005-08-15T18:45:00.000+08:00

I was quite surprised at the response ever since the comment I left in Tomorrow.sg as people started leaving their life stories, and sent me emails.

The start of this blog till now, to me, was absolutely life-transforming. I have been happier with who I am and no longer the "Oh God why am I gay why why why?!" attitude. It seems that this desire to open up have never been so strong than before, but I realised that I had no courage. Telling my problem to my parents will not be a big problem I guess, as they are rather open minded, but I know that if I tell them, I will make them cry. That is the last thing I want to do.

Apart from parental acceptance, I think a better way of solving the current anti-gay problems in Singapore was social acceptance. At the government level, this is especially distressing.

I am happy to recieve an email from Queer Singapore's author, which can be reached at http://queersingaporean.blogspot.com.

This contributor has contributed through emailing gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com. She is an anonymous lesbian blogger that blogs about her life as a lesbian, opposition from the Singapore government and relationship issues.

This post may contain some crude language, which have NOT been censored.

From: QueerSingaporean's Author
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Good day =)

I came across to your blog through tomorrow. I'm the blogger from http://queersingaporean.blogspot.com, and like you, that blog is may way of conveying how I feel to the world, hoping that more people would come out and be comfortable with their sexuality. I'm currently 22 and have a partner who is 21. We are both studying in Melbourne University, and I have to say that I feel so blessed to have her with me, and be my roommate at the same time. My life in Melbourne is wonderful as I get to display my affection for her openly. Not that I would wanna fuck her everywhere we go on the streets but more like hold hands, have a bit of hugs and kisses when we feel like it.

Things aren't the same in Singapore, coz whenever we go back to Singapore I feel as if we're just buddies. We can't hold hands, I can't give her pecks on her cheeks whenever I feel like it, and we're just wary that we might bump into our parents or something like that. It's very suffocating at times and it's worse when BOTH our parents are conservative and very chinese and family-oriented. They don't know about our sexuality but my mother and hers has obviously been guessing a wee bit here and there. Things would be really bad if they do find out, I wouldn't be able to pursue my degree anymore and same goes for hers if our parents do know. Fortunately for me, I brought a guy(a gay friend) back home the last semester when I went back to Singapore for my holiday and now they are convinced that I am straight as hell and ready to get married. -_-" I know that sounds stupid but it's the only way I could get them off my back. My parents have both made it very clear that to them, homosexuality is immoral, hence would bring shame and all the bad things you can think off to my family. It is because of their stand towards homosexuality that I have been unable to come out to them.

I do hope that things would change, if only the government doesn't attempt to inject anti-gay sentiments into people through the media and what's not. It gets tiring hearing my parents scolding gays and lesbians and claim that they are the main source of aids (yawn) and people who ought to be burnt to death. It took me quite a while to come to terms to who I am, and my sexuality. I had 2 boyfriends before, but things didn't work out too well. I had gay friends falling for me before but for obvious reasons we never took things any further. It was only after I came to Melbourne that I dared to date girls and I have had 3 girlfriends so far and am most comfortable with the current one. We have in fact decided to take things further by getting engaged. As strange as it sounds yes we want to get engaged as a way to take things to a higher level. I personally know that we may not exactly recieve positive reactions from friends as most of them are heterosexual and would only percieve a true relationship to be between a dick and a pussy. (some of them don't even think that lesbians do fuck)

Nevertheless, as I read your blog with interest, I came to realize that you think you're born gay. I personally am a bit of Freud's follower after taking a bit of Psychology electives. Freud believes that human beings are innately bisexual. It is only at a later stage of life that they start to stray to either side, meaning to the "straight" path or "bent" path. Hence no one is truely born to be straight or born to be gay. It is partly nature and nurture, nature=genes and nurture=how our life experience shapes our sexuality. In order to understand myself a lil better, I have also took a couple of Sexuality electives (something that NUS, NTU and SMU) would never offer for obvious reasons. These electives has allowed me to learn so much more than I ever could about gays, lesbians, bisexual and transexuals and I am glad to say that I am no longer ashamed of myself and my sexuality. People fear what they do not know and I do think that with the correct education, Singaporeans would come to understand that not everyone is mainstream and listens to only pop songs.

I hope this email helps a lil. Good luck with the blogging. =)

Sexuality is never the reason to say no to life. If you yourself is a gay or bisexual, and constantly thinks that you are a freak, I can say you may be a freak one in ten people, but you are certainly not a freak in a hundred.

While the reason of your sexual orientation is still highly debative in today's science, ask yourself if you have made any decision to be gay or bisexual from childhood. If your answer is a firm NO, there you have it, you answered it to yourself that you are gay by nature.

Homophobics aren't freaks too. I believe they have their reason, probably out of disgust, as they view homosexuality as being against the "mainstream" sexuality, that homosexuality is against "the laws of nature". Others became homophobics due to religion, as some religion condemns acts of homosexuality as a whole, while Christianity bears love towards the homosexuals, but condemns "gay acts" as a sin.

Look to the brighter side of your life. My sexuality used to be my concern, and honestly, it is till now. What have changed in me was to view every new day as a start, a new beginning if you like.

So, submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"Nothing to be ashamed of."

2005-08-14T23:13:00.000+08:00

One of the greatest challenges a homosexual goes through, is the fact of being embarassed, for being homosexual. There are just some things people don't understand and why we are made this way.

"So is it natural or is it just a choice", a question you may ask but unfortunately, not many people asked.

Let's stay strong together. You may be closeted right now just like me, but the message this blog want to send is that there are so many people facing the same problem as you, living in the same city of Singapore.

You are never alone. You are absolutely normal.

This person has chose to reveal herself as jazz2jazzy as she posted her entry via comments. Some spelling errors has been corrected. No other parts are edited.

From: gaytothebone.blogspot.com via comments: jazz2jazzy.
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi,

Found your blog from your comments on Tommorrow.Sg.

There are many like us out there, YES, even in our straight lace City state of S'pore. Most of us, remain invisible (under the radar) because it is still quite a taboo here and shouting at the top of your lungs that you are a PLU does not go down well with most S'poreans.

I relate to your earlier post on being closetted and constantly fearing the negativity that might befall us if we even let on that we "different" to our friends/ family.

I can relate because I am still quite a closetted lesbian to this day even though I am in a committed relationship with my gf of 7 years.

You will be surprised that our society has come to be more tolerant nowadays. At most raised eyebrows and "tsk tsk" going around, when they see us together as a couple, but that's about it.

What we can do, is to remind the rest that we are still very much the same like everyone else, productive individuals in our respective field of work.

We fall in love, fall out of love, live our dreams and live our life the way we want it to be.

Only difference is that we will not go through the standard marriage, HDB, have 2.5 kids package that seems to define normality in S'pore these days.

Nevertheless, we are around and we have nothing to be ashamed of.

So Cheers!

http://gaytothebone.blogspot.com is a community writing project targeted on gay, bisexual, and lesbian teens to write in their life stories of how they managed through their homosexual/bisexual lifestyle, the stories of coming out of the closet to parents, relatives and friends. It also hopes to educate the public on more gay and lesbian issues, the challenges they face, and to replenish the insufficient education about homosexuality in Singapore that has caused a major homophobic attitudes among teens today.

Please submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

No mails

2005-08-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

I recieved quite some traffic from Singapore bloggers. I don't believe none are homosexual.

Actually I have been checking my mail everyday, hoping for a new mail, a new thought, a new experience.

I really want this blog to be as life transforming as it can be.

If you have experiences, just like what I had, or the one email I have had, feel free to send it in to share it with everyone. Your contribution counts.

If you are sending in my email, rest assured about your email address. I will not reveal to anyone. If you still feel unsure, feel free to leave an anonymous comment in this blog in the most recent post, and I will post it as soon as I sees it.

Send in your emails to : gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can simply leave an anonymous comment in any of the posts if you do not feel comfortable revealing your email address to me.

Gay isn't a crime

2005-08-02T00:59:00.000+08:00

Today, I was so happy to recieve one of my first emails that contribute to this blog. Well actually this blog serves as a interaction zone for gay and bisexual people, that I hoped to create.

Send in your stories too, I will love to hear it and I believe readers will love to know about other people's stories too. You are not alone.

This person has chosen not to reveal his identity.

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi. I saw your blog and would like to give you my two cents worth. I am from Singapore, and more or less a bisexual, or if you would claim, a feminine guy.

It's depressing to see that Singaporeans do not like gay or bisexual, but who cares? The most important thing is to get on with life, and not be deterred by any obstacles (being ridiculed, laughed at et cetera).

I've been laughed by my male classmates before, saying that I'm too feminine, but I made my stand, and they all respect me for what I am. I will occassionally get a few touches by my male friends... But I didn't quite enjoy that.

Perhaps I'm being too conservative or something.. Well, I'm not born a bisexual, because my sissy friend swayed my thought when I was Primary 6.

I'm now 16, and I am more into guys then girls. I will only sometimes bitch around with my female friends, which I apparantly enjoyed =P.

Therefore, I would like to end off my e-mail with a light note. Be optimistic with everything, and carry on with your life. Being gay is not a crime.

Cheerio!

Are you experiencing the same problems too? I am experiencing them myself right now and I hope that your contribution can help every single reader feel at least a bit better that they are not alone. I need such encouragements too.

Send in your emails to : gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can simply leave an anonymous comment in any of the posts if you do not feel comfortable revealing your email address to me.

Thank you.

Hurt once, hurt forever

2005-07-31T14:02:00.000+08:00

I had once became a Christian. I was so obsessed with fulfilling the purposes of God, serving in ministries in Church, which was the well reckoned City Harvest Church located in Jurong West Street 91.

Being in a church very much against homosexuality, I have never revealed that I'm gay to anyone. They hold a stand that they are against homosexuality, but very willing to help, and thus claim that they love homosexuals by person, hate homosexuality by sin.

They conducted very few services preaching sermons dealing with the topic of homosexuality. Once, they invited Sy Rogers, a previously gay person that claimed that he have been molested by his uncle in his young age, and managed to "change" into a "normal" heterosexual.

Married, he is currently with children.

I mean, I AM BORN like that. How do you expect me to change. I really cannot change, and people can't always keep condemning people that cannot change.

Sad and disappointed with the church itself, I left after about 2 years. I felt I haven't gotten anything out of it, and I haven't changed a single bit.

Sy Rogers may be changed, because he was not gay by nature. He was gay because he was psychologically hurt at a young age, and therefore became gay, bearing a wound inside him.

I AM NOT. I believe I am born like that. I feel so stupid while during the time in Christ where I tried very hard to change, and even prayed to God about it. Nothing changed. Nothing.

I really want to hear from you if you have similiar experiences. I really feel like dedicating this blog to all the people out there that has yet come out of the closet, or has already come out of it. I will really like to hear from anyone, even if you aren't gay, or you are not from Singapore. The most I want to hear from are people living in Singapore and are gay.

Mail in your letters to: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com. If you feel uncomfortable revealing your email address to me, post a comment on my posts, and remember to select as an anonymous poster. Please also leave behind your nationality, and a nickname.

Thanks.

My gay relationship is a guessing game

2005-07-30T17:57:00.000+08:00

Sometimes when I am out, like you and I, I always look around for cute guys. This was the most I do, and nothing further than that.

As I look at guys, whether on the bus, in the train, or on the streets, I will keep a clear distance for me to look at them. If they tend to be too near to me, and irresistible to look at, I will look at them at long time intervals, and sometimes even lose the courage to look all by itself.

Well, you must be able to tell that I am very desperate, everyday.

I really felt very bad for this once that I looked at a guy whom was standing in the train, and I am not very sure if he had the same interests with me.

Comfortably seated down, this cute chinese guy steps in the train and stood beside the door. He had a great bod and I was sucked into his mesmerising eyes.

I looked and looked, but I was not sure if he noticed it at the time. Suddenly, he just began to shift his vision towards my direction, looking directly at me! Shocked, I immediately shifted my eyes to look at the floor instead.

I was so surprised. After about a few seconds, I sensed that he have shifted his eye back to other places. Then I thought, "Oh, it was nothing."

Slowly again, I went back to looking at him with very small and careful stares. I also noticed something interesting. He did the same thing to me and looked at me with small and careful stares. I felt, maybe, there is something that attracted us together.

Being the shy me, I did not take any approach to at least smile at him.

I have finally arrived at my stop after the long journey and the eye feast. I went over to the door where he was standing, and DARED NOT LOOKED AT HIM! Yet, I kept the vision of him at the corner of my eyes and somehow felt that he was looking at me directly.

I felt very bad upon alighting. Why did I not at least give a happy look at him so that perhaps he will get the hint and alight with me.

I feel so lonely as I walked home. I really felt so bad and bursting out with tears all together.

Where will my Mr. Right be? Will I ever meet one in my life? Am I EVER going to have the courage to come out?

ARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

About me

2005-07-30T01:47:00.000+08:00

I really felt as if my whole sexuality is crashing down on me. I very much believed that homosexuality is a normal thing, but yet I am still trapped in the closet, not knowing how, when to come out of it.

I guess you have at least heard of IndigNation. They have activities coming soon organised by them, and I wanted so much to go for them. Yet, I feel so confused. If I go for it, it is like exposing I am gay, and what if someone there knows about it and sees me there, what should I do? Hide?

I live in fear everyday, fear of someone finding out that I am gay, especially my parents. I never tested if they are homophobic, I just knew that they are open minded people.

I am so confused now. Sometimes I felt so much for suicide to end my damned life, but thinking of it, it was rather stupid I guess, because I myself have encouraged a friend before out of suicide because of her break up with her boyfriend.

"Since we are all gay, we are on the same boat, and I can help you," you might say, but I just feel so unsafe, with anyone, who knows if this person only cared about me for a one night stand, I don't want that.

I need friends, I have loads of hetrosexual ones, none homosexual. I am so sad really. Thinking that I am a gay makes me feel so awful.

As I talk to my friends sometimes, we will touch on the topic of gay. They made fun of it, so did I. I really feel so guilty, guilty of myself everyday, being such a hypocrite. Why didn't I defend myself? I don't want to be exposed, at least before I've got the courage.

Sometimes it gets to me that if this carries on, I will be lonely, forever. No partners, no nothing, NOTHING! This is my greatest fear.

I want to indulge in a relationship, but yet I fear, fear of being cheated. I don't like being cheated, especially when I am just a dumb guy that gets cheated and taken in very easily.

I am tired of my life. I have no much more strength anymore. It just takes a confession to end this unbearable stress.

Why is god so unfair to me. Why am I made to suffer like I am. Hetrosexuals enjoy their lives like fuck, while I am left to suffer all my life, alone.

How would god ever be real, if he failed to heal my pain. I cannot change, but people said I can. How can I change, when I am, perfectly normal?

Stressed to the bone, would I just let out my cry this once, so I could break out of this never-ending maze, looking for a exit, to a brighter and newer life?