A heterosexual look into homosexuality

Posted by: GayGuy

We are excited as we recieved this submission from a heterosexual female. The letter talks about deeper issues, rather than just "what queers can do".

This is an email sent on the 9th of October.

From: Cher
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

There is a thin line differentiating from what is ‘natural’ and ‘unnatural’.

‘Natural’ is what is defined as “conforming to the usual or ordinary course of nature”. ‘Unnatural’? “Inconsistent with an individual pattern or custom”. The definitions itself are blurry, the lines oh-so-vague. How does one come to the conclusion that something is ‘natural’ and some other thing is not? How does society as a whole deem something as accepted because it is ‘natural’ and shun it when it is not?

And so goes the gay community in Singapore, and to a certain extent, the world. They are ostracized for “going against the norm” and looked upon with disdain because they are perceived as ‘unnatural’, amongst a sea of human beings who are heterosexual and ‘normal’. Homosexuality is seen as a ‘bad habit’, sometimes even a ‘vice’, and just ‘wrong’, whereas ex-convicts, drinkers, gamblers, drug abusers and adulterers are given second chances in life. It seems that once you come out as a homosexual, your life is destined to be doomed, all your dreams and aspirations slowly seeping down the drain, and you are subject to a life of discrimination and stigma.

I am a heterosexual female living in Singapore. I have never been homosexual before, and will never be, because I simply do not have such inclinations. I want to speak out for the homosexual minority here, they who are being judged upon and looked down on without being given a chance to shine, to contribute to the society and community as a whole, and for the majority out there to accept them as human beings and human beings alone, without any labels attached to them. It saddens me greatly when I see people forming their own judgments on what gay people are really like, and to lump everyone in the gay ‘category’ into a stereotype, calling what they have a ‘lifestyle’.

If there really is a gay ‘lifestyle’, where is the straight ‘lifestyle’? When we see straight men going to clubs to pick up girls for one-night stands or to visit call girls in Geylang, why isn’t this defined as a “straight lifestyle”? And why aren’t all straight men seen as typically being this way? When we see the gay men who have lots of sex we immediately jump to the conclusion that ALL gay men are the same. I understand that one rotten apple infects the entire box and all that, but we should take a step back, take a breather, and examine everything from a wider point of view.

It is because of this stereotype that the gay community is suffering. I believe in equality for everyone. This translates to me believing that everyone should have the exact same rights by default, regardless of their race, religion, social standing, and sexual orientation, on the sole basis that they are human beings. Being a human being is a right in itself, and there should not be any social bias as to what you “should do” and “should not do”. Of course, we draw the line at criminal offences, which harm others, but does being a homosexual harm other people? Homosexuals should be given the same rights as heterosexuals. Just because they are attracted to and fall in love with members of the same sex does not mean they are committing a heinous sin. Artificial insemination is not natural, so does it mean it is wrong? Along the same lines, how about abortion, sterilization and contraception? Are they not “going against” the natural cycle of life too? Homosexuality is not a disease that breeds or a phenomenon that snowballs.

Being gay is not a choice, and neither is it a ‘lifestyle’ that people CHOOSE to adopt. They are gay because they just are, and they cannot help it. Think about it – in a society that is mainly made up of heterosexuals, why would anyone suddenly decide, “Hey, I want to be gay,” and subject themselves to discrimination? Homosexuality HAS been observed in animals, so who is to judge that such and such is not ‘natural’ anymore?

“Heterosexuality is not normal; it’s just common.” Food for thought, no? I seriously hope that everyone will start accepting homosexuals for who they are, and let them have their place in society. Everything is subjective; so let them have a chance to live their lives just as rightly as every other human being should. Who they decide to sleep with at the end of the day does not affect their morals or who they are as people.

I have to say that I totally agree to all the points stated.

After everything that was said, I still believe that it is entirely up to an individual to choose if homosexuals should be accepted or not. I feel that a gay individual should not force, but rather to gradually affect the lives of heterosexuals around them, show concern over their lives.

Logic will tell anyone that if a heterosexual has good homosexual friends, they tend to be pro-queer. Those without homosexual friends, wouldn't have a living example for them to see that we are not "disgusting sodomites" after all. Therefore, I believe, to press for gay rights, we have to make ourselves visible. Even so, there is a long way to go, for along with it, is a web of the individual's personal issues.

Starting early is better than not. I believe that coming out raises self-esteem too. Although the road ahead of a person out from the closet may be bumpy, coming out proves to everyone that you are happy of what you are, how you are made up, and the things unique about yourself.

I do believe that a large number of Singaporeans are open minded people. They tend to be more positive and receptive about queer issues. The so called "conservative" Singaporeans with the said "age old asian values" are like us, as they belong to the minority. I believe a huge irony exists when age-old asian values says homosexuality is wrong, because we are largely affected by modern Western values.

Western? Why western you may ask.

As of what I know, ancient China does not discriminate homosexuals in any of it's Dynasties. Even in the imperial court, homosexuality wasn't deemed as a crime. Portrayals of same-sex relations have been found in Chinese art, in particular, silk paintings and handscrolls which have survived the massive book-burning of the Cultural Revolution. Eunuchs had superior powers in China, as their castration added value to their status. Though it remains to be seen if a man turns gay as a result, due to the lack of hormones most are effeminate by nature.

In the Western context, especially among evangelical Christians, they view it as "sodomy", and "a sin of unhealthy sexual perversions, lust and desires". I respect what they believe in, but as everyone will know, a lot of their ideologies and teachings suddenly became "mainstream" belief. Christianity may not have originated from the West, but they seemed to be the group of people that "glorified" the religion in a greater way. One good proof is that the number of English translations of the Hebrew Bible wins all other language translations.

Also another Bible teaching that went "mainstream", was the infamous quote, "Spare the rod, spoil the child". It has been used widely in western Christian churches and, was further passed down to be used widely, even among non-religious people. The original quotation, which I will quote from the New King James Version of the Bible, Proverbs 13:24 - "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly".

Many people hence view homosexuality as "bad sexual perversions".

Though I cannot totally push blame towards the west, Christianity or whatsoever. The fact is as people got more educated, the more they think. Education may not always bring about open mindedness, but I believe it acts both ways, based on what was taught to the child.

The labelling of "lifestyle", has been the question on my head these few days. Is it appropriate?

I asked 2 of my gay friends if they think "lifestyle" was a foul word in the gay context. The first response I got from my gay guy friend, was a quotation of "lifestyle" from the dictionary.

life·style also life-style or life style n.

A way of life or style of living that reflects the attitudes and values of a person or group: “It was a millionaire's lifestyle on the pocketbook of a hairdresser” (People).

Usage Note: When lifestyle became popular a generation ago, a number of critics objected to it as voguish and superficial, perhaps because it appeared to elevate habits of consumption, dress, and recreation to categories in a system of social classification. Nonetheless, the word has proved durable and useful, if only because such categories do in fact figure importantly in the schemes that Americans commonly invoke when explaining social values and behavior, as in Rachel Brownstein's remark that “an anticonventional lifestyle is no sure sign of feminist politics, or indeed, of any politics at all.” Fifty-three percent of the Usage Panel accepts the word in Bohemian attitudes toward conventional society have been outstripped and outdated by the lifestyles of millions of young people. An even greater number - fully 70 percent -accepts the word in Salaries in the Bay Area may be higher, but it may cost employees as much as 30 percent more to maintain their lifestyles, where the context requires a term that implies categorization based on habits of consumption.

Source: Dictionary.com (http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=lifestyle)

As you can see, the usage of the word did drive up a sort of a "controversy" before. My friend stands that usage of this word with being gay, isn't correct.

I then moved on to ask my lesbian friend, who is currently in a relationship.

She explained that "lifestyle" is a safe word to use, when it is not mixed with living an "alternative lifestyle". She said also that "there is a negative connotation to the word gay lifestyle itself".

I agree with her that being gay is not a lifestyle at all, but the life I am living is a gay one. Should I be labelled as living a "gay lifestyle" too, if I don't drive up into the details? I think it's somewhat correct to label a person that's gay to be living a "gay lifestyle", because after all they are gay and they have to live with it all their life, and hence their lifestyle. "Alternative lifestyle" on the other hand, separates from the whole meaning of a "gay lifestyle" which was thought to be a "normal lifestyle". The word "alternative" suggests that there is "a way out", or "a way to change", this "gay lifestyle".

I would agree that every individual has their own opinions, and I felt the over-sensitivity of homosexuals towards little "labels" a little too much. Unless the labels are crude, or suggests a certain ideology (like how "Alternative lifestyle" did), I believe they are all fine to be used.

I do expect different people to have different opinions over this, which is ok. After writing what's above, I asked the same guy friend more specifically. I asked him, which poses a foul connotation: "gay lifestyle" or "alternative lifestyle". His opinions were different. He thinks that "alternative lifestyle" was less hurting to him than "gay lifestyle". His stand is that the word "gay" is more commonly used, whereas "alternative" may mean anything.

Ditch labels if you can. I choose to view everyone to have their own "unique lifestyle", queer or not.