Homosexual teenagers

Posted by: GayGuy

This is an email sent on the 30th of October.

From: Lim
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

I came across your blog some days ago, and decided that I had a need to email to you.

I'm a gay teen, in one of the junior colleges in Singapore. It has been tough living as a homosexual, so to those all out there, here are some pats for living it up in our punishing conservative Asian society.

I will like to talk about my homosexual experience.

Perhaps it all started during puberty when curiosity really killed the cat. The inquisitive nature to find out all about dick lengths and whether I was normal made me got hooked to surfing pornography, and I guess it all started there.

Yet many a times, I hated myself for who I was. The issue has always received the thumbs-down during every family dinner conversation. Being a rather popular dancer in school, it will be disastrous if my friends ever discover the 'dark' side of me, or so it seems, if it is indeed an evil repercussion of choosing the wrong pathes and surfing the wrong sites. Yet my friends have time and again questioned my sexuality, asking whether I had any flaws in my lifestyle. They couldn't understand why I can be so gentlemanly & sensitive to guys and girls (a starking trait I find in almost all gays) and well, the ability to entertain (like to sing and dance). I'm not a narcissist, trying to promote that I'm an outstanding student. I have flaws like a short fuse, a boastful and insensitive side, as well as an effeminate nature which, thank God, has changed due to His mercy after salvation.

I hated being homosexual. I couldn't understand why I had to be gay. I couldn't even try to stop looking at guys. Every visit to Cineleisure will see my gaze moving from the attempted peer at our female counteparts to the akward gawks at beefcakes across the road at the Carlifornia gym. I felt it would be devastating if my homophobic pals ever had to chance to sniff out my 'horrible' nature.

I had my first sexual encounter which I can never forget. I had consensual sex with this guy whom I met on the net 2 years ago. Not that I was so into sex, but I was keen to experiment all that I had seen from all the net clips. I didn't enjoy sex at all. It was really millions of thoughts running through my mind. I felt so confused and alone. It left a deep spiritual cut in my heart. I never even check out whether I got Aids from him, because I was afraid of the truth. I was alone and scared. Somehow, I felt raped, even though it was consensual sex. I stopped all interactive sexual activities with men from then all, hoping that I will turn heterosexual and become 'normal' one day.

It never happened. Once again, the familiar stares at cute boys or hot hunks, everywhere and anywhere possible, happened again. & visits to public pools just to peek at hot bods. Seducing, or attempting to seduce guys everywhere. I know what I had done contradicted to all my beliefs in Christ - something which meant breaking the Law, about not committing adultery, through lusts in the heart.

Yet I was scared to confess. I was alone. I have never visited sgboys.com, nor fridae.com till I stumbled upon your site since my sexual awakening, because of my denials. I thought if I ever ask fellow gays about my sexuality, they will further confirm that I'm a homosexual, once and forever. And my guy-buddies are sure to turn a blind eye to me if they discover my sexuality. I told my female classmates that I was gay, who quickly dismissed it can never be possible, perhaps because of my huge denials, cover-ups, the change from effeminate nature, and perhaps I was someone they thought unlikely to be homo in this society.

Yet, through your blog, I feel the need to address this once and for all. I care less that my A levels are just round the corner (it's just 2 weeks away). Yet my sexuality is for life, at least in flesh on Earth. I guess I have to face this once and for all. I've prayed many times and asked God to answer me. I know He will definitely answer me, through all these evaluations and dissemination of information over the net. I know I must confess one day. The stress of denial is taking a toll on me, ever since I started denying my sexuality in my jc days.

I admit I'm homosexual. I didn't like sex - without love, like my first encounter. All these secrets - only God and you all know. I really have no idea what my friends will react if I ever spill the beans at this crucial moment. I pray for all of us to know the Truth one day, and to all readers, God bless, for I guess it's God's will that I'm here, having the courage to post up my pent-up frustrations. So long, farewell, and take good care.

To the author, thanks for putting up a blog for enlightening all of us. God bless. Oh, you can check for all spelling errors + edit them. My G.P is gross. It's super horrendous.

I personally loved this piece a lot. His story could somehow relate to my life and my personal experiences - just that I didn't have sex before 16.

Then again, sorry for the loss of updates recently, as this piece of email came in some time ago.

Thank you for your contribution.