Being gay = More contributions to society?

Posted by: GayGuy

When I received this email from someone who did not state if he wished to be identified, I felt confused, happy, encouraged and angry, all mixed together.

Read on and you will get what I mean:

This is an email sent on the 19th of September. Some minor short-forms has been corrected.

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi, this is *removed* who saw the website on Chubsg forum [Link].

To me, I feel that the growth of gay population would witness the drop in population because gay couples cannot help to accelerate the birth rates.

To make it up, I feel that members of the gay community in the community services should help out in programs that encourage straight couples to have more than just 1 or 2 kids in their family.

Also, because gays are not able to contribute to the increase in birth rates, they should make it up by contributing to societies by doing extra on their part in compensation in whatever areas they can.

My suggestion, I know may cause mixed feelings, but it is worth considering and I gladly accept your suggestions or opinions as to what I propose here.

Doing the extra bit for society should not be taken as a pressure but as a pleasure that gays are contributing more than others to the Nation! This is also a positive publicity for gays to clear some public misconceptions that gays are giving societies more problems with their loose morals and multiple sex partners as well as preference for One Night Stand in their open relationship type of lifestyle.

Best wishes!

The title of this email message reads: "Gladly Accept Your Suggestions (G.A.Y.S.)".

I am glad that you expressed your concern for us being unable to contribute to society in terms of Singapore’s birth rate, as we are homosexuals. The words you used, as you have predicted, aroused mixed emotions in me. I was quite shocked at the amount of misunderstanding expressed, although it oddly seems pro-homosexual.

Of course, I would like to encourage everyone reading this post to contribute to society, in any way we can, whether queer or not. There are a lot of homosexuals, just like you and me, living normal lives. I don't believe that our sexual preference should act as a determinant to whether or not we should serve in the community. I took part in voluntary work during the December 2004 Tsunami crisis, working as a packager for publicly donated items. I helped them prepare the items for shipping and it never did occur to me once that I am serving them as a gay individual.

To me, the letter sounded more like a bad ST Forum letter. I am not sure about your argument: "I feel that the growth of gay population would witness the drop in population because gay couples cannot help to accelerate the birth rates."

While it is undeniable that the gay population cannot contribute to the rise of birth rates, you seem to be implying that "being gay" is a genetic trait, rather than an individual's upbringing, where it is not affiliated with their parent's genetic makeup. The ubiquitous question of ‘nature’ versus ‘nurture’ remains.

I believe that doing community work is something that is self-driven, and you did state that it was not something that should be forced out of people. Doing countless good deeds to show others what we have done might be counter-productive, though I do understand that wasn’t your intention. Taking in consideration that homosexuality has always been the victim of careless criticism; the community’s efforts might not be taken seriously and objectives, unmet.

Public misconceptions are prevalent, as people often associate gay men with drag queens, transvestites, sissies, or just ‘gay’ with images of effeminate men in mind. Butches on the other hand are represented as “beer-bingeing” women, if a certain article from the English daily is to be quoted.

I do hope that the homosexuals and heterosexuals alike can cross that boundary of even having to name our sexual orientation at all. These terms, just like ethnic divisions, separates us, driving a wedge in society and causing good friendships to become distant, or even break apart.

I believe you have submitted this letter to us with good intentions, but I hope you do get what I have said in this post. Thank you for your letter, and we look forward to getting responses from everyone, including anonymous readers. We will be "Gladly Accept[ing] Your Suggestions" too. If you are new here and would like to have your say, click here to find out how you can reach us.
Thank you for your contribution.

-Edited

Ways you can contribute

Posted by: GayGuy

I would like to thank the editors over at Tomorrow.sg for featuring this blog. I would like to take this opportunity to highlight the ways you can contribute your submissions.

If you are new to this website, you may want to take a look at previous submitted letters. After which, if you would like your story heard too, please mail your letters to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com. Alternatively, if you wish to remain totally anonymous, you may leave an anonymous comment in the most recent post of this blog, posting as an anonymous user.

Email addresses will be kept private if you choose to send an email. Your identity or other personal information will not be revealed unless you state so.

We really need your help to make this a success as we have been receiving a low amount of contributions lately. Together with your contributions, we can then use them to encourage those still in the closet, and educate those that are interested to know.

Thank you very much.

We've got a new editor

Posted by: GayGuy

I don't really accept anyone as an editor, only those whom I trust. I need assurance that the person can take ownership of this blog, to manage it, and most of all, write logical arguments.

To date, I have come out to 3 people, of which I knew through this blog. I am greatly impressed at my own courage.

Again, I am still a student. I cannot juggle my personal blog concurrently with this one. I need someone to help me with this. Fortunately, a new friend of mine sent me an e-mail about his blog, http://homones.blogspot.com/ and just like how I started out, he had the same "About me" post, that described our own experiences.

This is a coming out story extracted from the blog: Rose tinted lenses. Reproduced with permission.

From: Not applicable
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

As a gay teenaged Singaporean, coming out to myself and my social orb is a string of events, like pearls on a necklace. Each pearl is as beautiful as the last, yet unique in its own ways. Hung around with pride around a beautiful feminine neck, I intend to charge forth, into the unknown darkness of life clutching tightly to my pearl necklace.

Coming out to the world is something I knew would happen sooner or later. I'm 18, going on 19 in September. I have an older brother, aged 25 and elder sister, aged 24 and a younger sister, 15. All of them know I'm gay.

It was a step I knew I had to take, especially towards my brother for he, himself, is gay.

One day after returning from Bangkok on a short 4 day getaway with my sister, I texted my brother telling him I needed to speak to him urgently and that we meet up. He called me up sounding flustered and demanded I tell him what it was.

I tried resisting. I really did.

Until I blurted out, "I'm gay."

Silence.

I strained my ears over the cordless phone to hear his breathing. I expected his reaction to be that of shock and surprise, but being gay himself, I thought he would've been able to accept it faster than anyone else.

He was the third person I came out to, and the first person I said to verbally that I'm gay. The previous 2 were female friends, one of whom is a former lesbian and now bisexual (even though I'm gay, I think she drips with sexual appeal). I came out to them, of all ways, by typing the words on my cellphone. I couldn't say the words, "I'm gay."

"Oh my god why are you saying these things?" my brother asked. His voice was curt, cold. The voice of a person in shock and negative disbelief.

I closed my eyes. A tear seeped out of my left eye and took a deep breath to compose myself, "Because its true. Will it be a problem?"

"I don't know what to say. How many people know?"

"2, now you, 3."

Silence. A long deafening one that urged me to slam down the phone and pretend I didn't tell him anything.

"What're you thinking, how're you feeling?" I asked. My voice was calm and assured. Inside, my heart was crumbling into jigsaw puzzles of regret.

"I'm shocked."

Silence.

"I tell you what. You think about it first. I'll talk to you soon."

And he hung up. He didn't even say "Take care, bye."

In that 5 minutes, which felt like 5 dharmic life cycles, I knew, the person whom I've always wanted to connect with, was gone... at least for now.

I left home and took a walk around my neighbourhood aimlessly. I didn't know what to do. I knew he probably had to face some issues, like guilt, but I wanted him to ask me questions. I wanted him to know me as I am. Not as the straight-acting front I have to put up all the time.

For three weeks, he avoided coming home. He has his own apartment somewhere in town.
In coming out to him, I added another pearl on the necklace, a painfully beautiful one. And I hung it around my neck.

As you would also agree, this is a well-written entry. I can feel the emotions seeping out from this post and am really happy that he has come out to those whom he felt needed to know.

I then emailed him back with the request if he was willing to join me as an editor, and very fortunately, he agreed. We chatted a little on MSN Messenger and talked about various issues, and also touched on the further developments of this blog.

I have a few people in mind now that suits the position of being an editor, and I re-iterate my stand we would have a free share of this blog. It's not mine, nor is it theirs. This is a blog that could help those in need to gain more courage, and perhaps, bring about some emotional healing.

We discussed how this blog could gain more exposure, and he suggested submitting this URL to some of the more popular blogging websites, so that in a way, we could gain some recognition from their readers. What matters most is what I deem the target audience; be it homosexuals or homophobes, everyone could, in the end, benefit from the posts in this blog.

I would like to thank some of my readers, who have been helping me spread news about this blog, in one way or another. One of them, whom I do not know personally, but helped by submitting a post in sgboy forums, featuring this blog. Some of the other great helpers are nineaugust and willythecop, who have assisted in advertising and marketing, for creating a funny but informative video. Most of all, I would like to express my thanks to Lady Queer, http://queersingaporean.blogspot.com, for linking me up and giving me suggestions.

If you would like to link to us, there is absolutely no need for approval (unless you are linking it together with words of hate of course). You can link us straight at http://gaytothebone.blogspot.com. Do drop us an email (if you would like) just to tell us that you have linked us up. It's good to know that we are being linked.

In the meantime, if you are openly gay, you can help us spread the news about this blog to your friends. Do what you can to get this message out.

Please continue to submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

Revised by Zee on 18 September 2005.
Notes: Sentence structure corrections.

Out and about

Posted by: GayGuy

I am extremely happy today as I finally went out of the closet, to my new friend, through blogging:

This is a personal coming out experience I had.

From: *removed*@gmail.com
To: *removed*@hotmail.com

Hi *removed*,

I guess it must be a great surprise to be receiving this email from me, *for privacy reasons the following line as been removed*.

Yes, I am the editor of Gay To The Bone, and right now, I guess you are the only one that knows.

I was so surprised to see your comment on my personal blog, *removed*. Being a rather small scale blogger, with only a handful of dedicated readers, I was very surprised at how you managed to find my blog and that you actually read it.

I read your blog too. I realised that I have some similar interests as you and, I was therefore wondering if we can make friends. This I guess, will be a huge step for me. :-D

Awaiting your reply. Add me in MSN if you are willing? Here: *removed*.

Thanks. :-D

And oh, good luck in your "N"s too!

Cheers! ;-)

What I guess is that he is very shocked, and indeed:

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: *removed*@gmail.com

I was also astonished by the fact that you were the editor of GTTB! *for privacy reasons the following line as been removed*. Never did I imagine you to be the editor of GTTB.

I am quite open-minded on the net, so making friends with you will not be a problem. But I tend to be damn shy with acquaintances in real life...

Thanks for your concern for my N-Level. I appreciate that. =)

Cheerios!

Coming out only takes a simple step. It may be to someone you know or don't. Whatever it is, I believe it is always a great experience.

We met up on MSN, and exchanged numbers, chatted a little about ourselves, and man, the experience was great!

I certainly hope to take this friendship a little further, and lets see where it takes me.

About the previous post

Posted by: GayGuy

I have recieved quite a bit of feedbacks about the previous posting, as many people think that the contributor has contributed a letter that, in a way, portrays homosexuality in a very negative light.

I agree, and apologise for the offense anyone might have taken from that post, but surely, I am gay, and I am not a Christian, and I have my reasons.

This is NOT a contribution but a commentary worthy of publishing. The commentary has also been slightly edited for captialisation and short-forms.

From: *removed*@gmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Dear blogger, I have to say that the recent letter you posted really annoyed me majorly. The idea of the whole later was to portray homosexuality in a negative light. There are subtle hints dropped along the way by that City Harvest girl that by being a lesbian or gay you would need to CHANGE. I honestly would love to tell it to her face that it's a matter of choice yes, to be either gay or straight because we're born to be bisexual. It's rather apparant that she is promoting the idea that those who are confused (i.e lesbian or gay) with their sexuality should immediately seek help with their church elders and what's not.

I personally feel that the letter is in some ways a slap in the queer community's face. sigh. I don't know if you actually picked up the hints along the way when you read the letter but my friends and I did while we read through that entry. -_-"

Regards,
lady queer

I thank you lady queer for your continued support and feedbacks.

I am very sure to say now that I knew the hints from the letter, but I believe that what the queer community needs to pick from this letter isn't the small hints or hidden criticism. I believe that we need to realise the fact that she's changed, or at least from what she claims to be.

Christianity and homosexuality are both very sensitive topics, when mixed together.

I believe in choice. If she's changed, and if anyone wants to be changed the same way as her, I would gladly send them off to where he or she finds suiting.

I don't quite know how to continue on from here, but what I wanted to say is that, the contribution may contain elements hinting that homosexuality is wrong, but my approach was to give everyone a freedom of choice.

Wouldn't it be very selfish if we only provide homosexuality from a homosexual perspective?

Look at the article again if you would like, and try to pick out things more "positive", like she's no longer the same, et cetra.

Still, posting that article up, I still felt that I am wrong in some ways, because wouldn't that post itself defeat the purpose of this blog itself? I realised that I would be committing a even greater mistake if I take away the freedom of choice from the readers.

What this blog needs to focus now is again, back to the homosexuality issue, and leave this "trials" behind.

Note that the choice I mention is NOT choice of sexual orientation, which I strongly believe that IT IS NOT A CHOICE, but I was refering to the choice of religion. Surely you can't order someone to choose a religion he or she doesn't like, right?

Please continue to submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.