A testimony

Posted by: GayGuy

This contributor has been asked if she wants to reveal her identity, but did not make a reply.

This contribution has also been heavily edited, as the contributor wrote most parts of the post without capitialisation, proper sentences, short forms, and spelling mistakes.

I have tried as much as possible to keep the original meaning of this email.

From: *removed*@liquidcement.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi. I am not sure what your name is.

I was surfing the net and chanced upon your blog. I'm from City Harvest Church too and I used to be a lesbian myself too.

I guess all along, I was more guyish than girlish since young, but didn't know my behavior isn't really the norm compared to other gals. Anyway, I remembered telling myself and others that I will never become a lesbian but I fell into it at the later part of my secondary 3 life. I was from a girls school so to speak.

I got involved with my school team captain. I was the vice captain. Before I got into the relationship, I was really struggling to break free. Though I didn't read the rest of your blog, I understood what you meant when you said you wanted the people in church to understand.

It was especially tough because I came to church and got saved only in March, during the Easter period in secondary 3. So I didn't really build any meaningful or strong friendships that I can fall back on while facing this temptation.

I didn't know how to use the scriptures to defend myself. I didn't know how to pray. What I remembered was, for the next 3 months or so, I spent every night crying to God. I would play the little that I knew on my guitar and just cry out to God. I didn't know what to pray or what to say, so I just kept saying, "Jesus, take away this from me. It's getting really hard to bear..."

I guess I was too afraid to share with those in the cell group, and I ended up seeking advice from people who are already lesbians in my class. I am kinda like sealed my fate for the rest of the story.

They believed in God but didn't bother to persuade me out of it. Instead, they got real excited about me liking someone and tried to hook me up.

So I backslid after struggling to break free for months. No one knew why I backslid till my classmate (who brought me to church) found out that I was now attached to a gal. So anyway, I came back to church after the incident.

No one asked me to go back. Guess it was a hard and sensitive topic to talk about. I wanted to go back as I missed God. And so went through a lot of stuff before I managed to step into the church again.

I came back to church, my previous cell group member has risen up to become a cell group leader, leading the cell group am in. So she slowly opened up my life to share about the past. And I started to share bits and pieces of it.

To cut the story short, it took me 2 years in church to let it go to God. I was still affected and tempted time and again. I struggled to hide my past from my cell group members, and the things I faced in church. Yet, I knew they still loved me and wouldn't mind my past. I knew was my own barrier.

2 years later at a conference, I was really upset that day as it was supposed to be my "anniversary" date with her. I went for a church conference grudgingly and didn't listen to the sermon as well. But halfway through the sermon, God showed me a picture. Right in the middle of the preaching! I saw a broken and tattered heart being sewn back by a hand, and I heard God said, "I've sewn back your heart". I started to cry. I was very touched by God.

Fast forward 5 years later, which is this year, I won't call myself a lesbian anymore. I still do get tempted to go back to the previous lifestyle and once in a while, I can be moved by gals as well. I tried to believe that I was borned a male and not a female, and I tried to get my genes checked out too. I struggled with such thoughts every now and then.

I don't know if you still believe in Jesus now, but I really believe it is a choice we make. I used to think that perhaps, I should just leave church and become a lesbian for life, and that could really be my life. But I really feel it's more of a psychological, heart issue than our genetic makeup.

At the end of the day, we can argue all we want about us being born a gay or a lesbian, but a report once said, your body can never lie. If it's a girl, it's a girl. If it's a boy, it's a boy.

Right now, I'm a cell leader leading a group of young people. I have met many who are like me in the past as well. And now, I share my story and experience openly to those who wants to hear. I'm not saying I'm perfect now, because I do face temptations sometimes. That's how life should be.

But life is also a choice we choose to make.

Perhaps, you should try sharing with your closer friends in the cell group or you've made in church. It really helps to have friends in church or cell group to help you when dealing with this. I had my cell group leader who tried her best to help me, support me and encourage me.

Right now, I have a member who used to be a gay too. He shared openly about his past with me. I don't look down on him, but I watch out for him.

Pastor Sy Rogers said that we need to deal with our inner needs. Otherwise they will be manifested outwardly and we bear the brunt of it; the shame, the hurt and the guilt, and the helplessness.

I may be not into lesbianism now, but I still got to deal with it. He also said, the experience may be over, but there will and can still be residue in your life. Well, I do still have the residue in my life, but I don't allow it to dictate my life.

I'd better end here. I hope you've been blessed by my sharing. Look forward to your correspondence if you would like.


Be Blessed,
Someone Changed

I really appreciate someone having the same experiences sharing how her life was changed by a touch of God. Seriously, I am not jealous of her being a changed person, where I couldn't. I am happy for her that she's changed and no longer the same. If religion and God can seriously change a person like that, I would say that anyone should go for a try, or something like giving a chance to let God change you.

I am not sure if this contributor would like you to contact her if you would like a visit to her church, but I will be happy to convey the message. If you would like to visit her church, please feel free to contact me via my email: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com.

Alternatively, you can visit her church website at http://chc.org.sg for information about her church like the church's location, contact number and service times.

Other than that, please continue to submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

Today's Report

Posted by: GayGuy

When I saw this report on Today, a local media publication, I got mixed feelings:

This article is dated:
Friday, 26 August 2005

Why gay factor can't be ignored

by Vinita Ramani
vinita@newstoday.com.sg

IT'S about addressing the root of the problem, not gay advocacy.

And the problem, according to Senior Minister of State for Health, Dr Balaji Sadasivan, is that 93 per cent of the record 311 HIV cases diagnosed last year came from just two groups - the gay community and lower-educated single men who have casual sex with sex workers abroad.

Dr Balaji insisted that a "scientific public health" approach would be the most effective way to tackle the significant rise in such cases.

So, to prevent the spread of HIV/Aids the authorities would have to take gay sexual behaviour into account.

"The gay advocacy issue is different from the public health issue," he said.

When a question from the floor was raised with regard to a purported "rise in sexual activities" in the gay community and the possibility of a public campaign or education in schools, the Minister clarified his point.

"I didn't say sex among gays is increasing, I have no knowledge about the sexual habits of gays. What I said was one of the high-risk groups for HIV/Aids is MSM (men having sex with men).

Even in the US, 17,000 cases were reported last year was in the gay community. That's over 50 per cent of the total number," he said.

So the Ministry will stay focused on its targets. And if sex education advocates hope to see a condom parade down Orchard Road to raise awareness of safe sex practices, they are likely to have a long wait.

Dr Balaji said that such controversial approaches to addressing sexual behaviour and HIV/Aids "only generate a lot of controversy and news", which is not the ministry's aim.

Addressing members of the American Chamber of Commerce yesterday, he encouraged businesses here to form an alliance with the Ministry to tackle the rise in HIV cases by implementing education programmes to prevent discrimination.

I couldn't say that I do not believe every single piece of statistics mentioned above, but do you think that 50% is too high a percentage for the gay community based on the total amount of HIV sufferers?

President Bush has been trying to suppress the legalisation of gay activities, as recently, he mentioned that he will not allow gay marriages, which was relatively similiar to Singapore. So has he been playing with the numbers to discourage people "not to convert to being gay"?

Singapore, on the other hand, took the statistics and magnified it. Like the recent NKF incident, the number of HIV positive patients may have also been jacked up, with special mention about the "serious rise" in gay communities.

That brings me to some questions: Does homosexuals get infected with HIV more easily? Based on the view of human's immunity system, will all homosexuals actually be "weaker" in a sense that we will contact HIV more easily? OR are homosexuals more ignorant than hetrosexuals based on safe-sex knowledge?


First question: Does homosexuals get infected with HIV more easily? Based on the view of human's immunity system, will all homosexuals actually be "weaker" in a sense that we will contact HIV more easily?

While assuming that everyone that is "normal" should be having a immunity system of the same level (homosexuals and hetrosexuals), doesn't that made it clear that the probability of anyone contacting HIV should be the same?

Take the 50% average for an example. If the US government haven't made changes to the statistics, 50% homosexuals, 50% hetrosexuals, does that make a difference? IF 50% are homosexuals, then it should in fact be perfectly fine, as the amount of hetrosexual patients is equal to the amount of homosexual patients.

So why the big fuss? Why do the Singapore government insist that HIV sufferers are mostly homosexuals? Though it was not specifically implied in the article, but anyone reading it will sure get an impression that MOST HIV sufferers are homosexuals.

No government in the world have records of it's citizen's sexual orientation, and take for granted that it is normal for males to like females and vise-versa. If anyone's argument is that the homosexuals belongs to a minority, and therefore the 50% is more like 80% of the whole gay community, his/her argument would NOT be valid.


Second question: Are homosexuals more ignorant than hetrosexuals based on safe-sex knowledge?

Hetrosexuals practice safe sex for two reasons: Birth control and protection of diseases.

Homosexuals practice safe sex for one reason: Protection of diseases.

I dare not say that homosexuals are actually more aware in practicing safe-sex, or will I say that hetrosexuals are more careful. I believe everyone is much the same.

I dare not take birth control as a probable and primary reason of why hetrosexuals practice safe sex MORE, that they will use condoms more often than homosexuals do. I am totally fine if you view it that way.

Even if the above are the reason why homosexuals do contact HIV more easily, will the ban of homosexual activities in Singapore contribute to a successful decrease in HIV cases? Absolutely not.

A ban, will firstly not be effective as sex is something people do in private. People do it and don't mention about them. How will a ban actually control over homosexual activities?

The government should in fact introduce some new safe-sex education targeted on gays and lesbians, so that it could have a better control of the whole HIV problem.

The government says that it will be actively taking part in the effort to decrease HIV infections, while all they did was to introduce bans on homosexual activities, and introducing safe-sex education ONLY targeted on the hetrosexual community. Isn't that an effortless "effort"?

The article did mention about "lower-educated single men" being in one of the high risk groups of HIV, next to the gay community, doesn't that sentence itself prove my point? If lower-educated men are the ones infected with these diseases, while educated gay people are also the infected bunch, doesn't that prove that the education on safe-sex between gays is not carefully enforced in Singapore?

If the whole aim of the government's new HIV education programme was only to "prevent discrimination", how is it supposed to work effectively to stop HIV? It is a great plan to educate the public about not discriminating HIV positive patients, but are they acting more to stop HIV from it's roots; getting infected in the first place?

I am certainly waiting for the next move by the government of whether it will introduce education programmes about safe-sex, not just for the hetrosexuals, but also for the homosexuals.

While gaytothebone is a anonymous writing project, such news will be featured on the site to increase awareness about the current issues affecting the homosexual community, from a gay perspective. Local press may not always be able to provide a neutral stand as all the news they published are government moderated.

WE seriously need your stories of coming out, being in the closet, being left out, and the problems you face living a gay life, your thoughts and whatever you have that is gay related. I may not be aware of such news everytime and if you see such articles that are gay related, feel free to send me an email at gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can simply write an anonymous comment in the most recent post. I will find ways to get to you in an event where I need additional assistance.

Submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

2 Writing Projects

Posted by: GayGuy

There are two writing projects currently going on targeted on gay and lesbians.

The first one, is a book, which will feature real photos and real names, and gay/lesbian coming out stories. The author of this book, Ng Yi-Sheng, has personally exchanged emails with me and we decided that the two projects could mutually "help each other", where I will be taking on the duty to help look for people that are willing to share their stories openly.

You will need to contact Ng Yi-Sheng at ngyi-sheng@writer.per.sg so that he can arrange an interview with you in order for you to share your stories.

If you are openly gay/lesbian, or are gay/lesbian that has decided to come out of the closet, do feel free to approach him through his email and tell him about yourself. Before the interview, all the information you provide will be kept private.

The second project, which is this anonymous writing project, targets closeted homosexuals or open homosexuals that choose not to reveal their identity. A very obvious trend is that although there are a lot of people emailing me, submitting their stories, not a lot of people actually used the commenting function to submit anonymously, where I wouldn't even know your email address.

I suspect this was the reason why not many people contributed as they did not want to reveal their email addresses to me.

You can use the commenting function to submit your stories anonymously, and you can also email me at gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com.

Please specify if you would like to reveal your real name if you provide one to me. If you do not specify whether you want to reveal your real name, unless you have specified it clearly, your name will be kept private.

Your contribution is mightily precious. Your stories can impact people.

Keep these projects going. Submit your entries in today.

Scientists proves that sexual orientation are genetically programmed

Posted by: GayGuy

I have been surfing sgboy.com forums for quite a while now as people post findings in science that somehow leads to the proof that any organism, either pre-programmed or genetically altered, have a potential for homosexual behaviours.

An interesting article that has been posted on the website is something you will never get to see in local press. It talks about a scientist that altered certain strand of genes in a fruitfly, which causes either a male or female fruitfly to court fruitflies of the same sex.

The scientist said after that, "I never chose to be heterosexual; it just happened. But humans are complicated. With the flies we can see in a simple and elegant way how a gene can influence and determine behavior."

As the whole article is very long, I will not post it here but would do a summary instead.

The article can be found here:
http://www.sgboy.com/sgboyx/index.php?showtopic=16268&st=30&#

You might be thinking now, "but that just happens in fruitflies."

Yes, it indeed happened in fruitflies and if you think deeper in, if it happens to fruitflies, why isn't there a possibility for it to happen in humans? If it's not the genes then what could have caused this behaviour?

Modern science versus age old values, I think you are more sure than me of which is the more relevant source. If you get your hands scalded do you put lots of toothpaste or soya sauce on your hands, or consult a doctor immediately?

If you have only seen these kind of article probably first time in your life, you have been in Singapore too long. Such findings will probably never appear in local press and newspapers, which is totally unacceptable. I don't know why the local press would hide almost anything gay related. Was it part of the guidelines of the government for them not to publish gay-related scientific findings, or have they taken a simple guideline of "no gay related content" too seriously?

It's a fact that has happened. It's not like some fake news that Singapore has just been bombed isn't it?

Support this movement. For me hiding same sex behaviour news is ok, but hiding scientific researches is definately not ok.

Your stories can't lie. Send in your stories to me. You can help us to remove this homophobic attitude in Singapore.

Submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"We are as normal as they are."

Posted by: GayGuy

"Nothing is impossible," is one of the favorite quotes from a Christian preacher. Yet they kept substituting the word "nothing" with "gay".

Every faith believes in hope, love, care, peace, trust, honesty, and all the good things you can think of. I am a freethinker, and I believe every religion around should ought to be more open minded.

Family values and discipline, should well be treasured. While that is vital for every family, there should also be acceptance within family members at times when things aren't exactly going well as you wanted it to be.

It is not of other's concern of the harsh words they used towards gays, nor do they view it as an attack to personal pride at all. Some view them as a joke, as jokes concerning gays are so common that I hear them from my friends almost everyday. I learnt my lesson, I kept my silence.

This contributor has chosen not to reveal his identity. Some spelling errors has been corrected. No other parts are edited.

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi there,

I share the same problems as you have stated in your posts. Well I guess, every other homosexual would face such problems, from social dejection to 'circle' rejections.

Like you, I live in a household, that very much mums to the word/term homosexual. It is unspeakable and unthinkable. And at times, when it is spoken, it truly hurts to have a mom, oblivious to her son's sexuality, condemn a homosexuality.

Our biggest problem is that we have been stereotyped. There must have been some conspiracy in the past for people to derive their hatred for us, through reasonings from religion and etc. Sadly, this case exists in Singapore. Yet they just don't get it. We're as normal as they are. We've got 10 fingers, 10 toes, a conscious mind and emotions.

They don't see our already big enough problems that we face everyday. Because most of us have this fear of being in the open etched into our lives, we suffer greatly from that. Loneliness knows us by name. Most of us are confined to ourselves, decomposing our pride and strength as we eat into our emotions and at times fall into desperation and/or depression.

They call it psychology, but I'd call it human... We shouldn't be blamed, because no one chooses their sexuality. We just grow into them, depending on nature/nurture.

Hopefully, there would be a day when we'd be able to be open. I don't think most of us are asking for much. We're not asking for nametags that tells our sexuality, but just people's ready-acceptance, when/if we should decide to share a part of our lives, with them.

Signed,
someone.

I seriously liked it when you said, "We shouldn't be blamed, because no one chooses their sexuality."

I have been bearing this thought in my mind, that if I can in fact choose my own sexual orientation, what would I have chosen? The answer I answered to myself was, heterosexual.

In the fact that I am living in the island state of Singapore, wouldn't being a heterosexual been so much better where you can get proper weddings and a uncloseted relationship? Similarly, I think many people would think like me, that you will choose to be a heterosexual.

So why is it that people are not changing? The answer was simple and clear, because we simply cannot change it.

"Have you ever tried changing in the first place?", asked an inquisitive person.

Browsing internet pages, I have visited several pages written by gays, sharing their experience at Christian organisations that targets to help homosexual males and females to "change". What they shared was that, they enjoyed their time while in there, but they found that nothing changed in them, even with guidance of religion and religious leaders.

Looking at that, I am pretty sure that I couldn't be wrong. I was still Christian then, very active, very fervent, but though I am in a Church which condemn gay acts as a sin, I constantly look for an answer.

I browsed through pages and pages of internet sites again, only to return loads of preaching sermons against homosexuals. It left me unconvinced of what is the true "righteousness".

I wouldn't want to condemn Christianity all in all, as there are also gay accepting ones like the Free Community Church.

Parents, are one big obstacle greater than anything else. Most parents accept their children as gay, some of them doesn't. The reason was that one "moral value" was drilled into their heads; homosexuality is sodomy.

Parents, are ever most loving and concerned for their flesh and blood. Everything you do, everything you get, matters to them. The reaction of what I call "homophobic parents" are normal, as you can just imagine a load of shock was shot to them, by their own flesh and blood. They couldn't gladly accept it, and would first think of how they can help you, when all they can do was to comfort you and brave the storms with you.

They love you. If you, reading this, hates your parents for who they are, please don't. They are the people most caring for you. Give them some time if you have came out frankly to them. Flip the page and start a new chapter. Forgive them.

While I can't provide you with the best advise, as I am still closeted, I think you get what I mean.

Your stories are in huge demands now. Let all Singapore hear who we are through your own experience, and comfort those still greatly closeted by spreading the message that you are one of us. Submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your stories by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"Gay To The Bone" Project Publicity Trailer

Posted by: GayGuy

The long awaited video trailer, contributed by nineaugust and cloudywind is finally up and available for download.

Here is a screenshot of a scene in the video:

The video has been created by them as a contribution to this project, so as to publicise this project and to encourage more people to write in to share their stories.

Click on the picture to get a direct link to this video. You are encouraged to save this video in your computer if you wish to view it as the link might become unavailable anytime. I have not found anyone that can help host this file.

The URL link is available here: http://upload3.putfile.com/videos/30300532478.wmv

To save this video:

Internet Explorer users:

1. Right click on the above link.
2. Select "Save Target As..."

Mozilla Firefox users:

1. Right click on the above link.
2. Select "Save Link As..."

Last but not least, you can submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"Dig out those insecurities."

Posted by: GayGuy

I am very pleased at the current rate this blog is going. I am receiving on average 1 email a day (which is so many for a start), where Singaporeans come out to share their stories, what they think, and how they feel.

It's rather funny to me but, sometimes I don't know if the person that emailed me wanted his her email to be posted here, as I got one email referring to my blog and how I feel, while giving his her comments. It's rather hard to differentiate between a commentary mail, and a contribution mail.

It's hard to describe how commentary this email is but here it is (THIS IS VERY LONG!):

This contributor has not chosen a preference of revealing his her identity and therefore it will be hidden.

From: *removed*@yahoo.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi Gay,

Saw your blog, and here are my immediate thoughts - hang on, it's a long email! =) But I mean well and I guess your writings touched something inside me to want to share the following...

It's hard to say, Hold Your Head Up High, to someone who's so obviously been hiding his, um, bone, for so long.

But if you really do feel 'gay to the bone' then perhaps it's time to dig out those insecurities and start diggin' (i.e. liking) your gayness.

That means making friends with other gays, and creating a safety zone where you are absolutely ONE OF US. People Like Us is not just blanket term used to include gays; it is a truly embracing and comforting way of saying, hey, you belong here. And by belonging here, you belong to society too. (Never mind that society can be blind and dumb and slow and old too boot - we're not here to judge them, we are here to lead our own lives to the brightest and best that we can.)

Anyway, my point is that I'm gay, I'm out, I stand for myself and my partner anywhere I go, be it to my family, colleagues or friends. I'm 28, and I became "aware" 4 years ago.

While you can't choose your family, you can however choose your environment. You are not alone! You are ONE of MANY! There are no reliable worldwide, much less Singaporean, statistics on homosexuals, but a conservative estimate is 1 in 20. Think about it and take a deep breath - that's 200,000 gays in Singapore alone!

If you narrow it down to specific environments and social circles (and as a human being, you choose these circles simply by which shops you go to, the public transport to take, what job you do, where you eat, which library or swimming pool or soccer group you choose), then the odds can be higher or lower.

In my previous job as a writer for a lifestyle magazine, I'd say my social gay environment was 1 out of every 5 (workwise). In my current job in a much larger hospitality organisation, it's probably 1 out of 40 (workwise). But I'm not fazed - perhaps thanks to my earlier exposure, I'm completely comfortable with who I am. I bring my partner to "married partners only" events - AFTER asking officially to be sure everyone knows that my SAME SEX partner and I are not legally married because we are discriminated against by the government. My organisation may be uncomfortable and unsure how to deal with it, but at least I'm making them think. And hell, I'm not even some big-time executive at top levels. But you know what? I'm just as human and as much an employee as anyone else.

At my favourite restaurant, there are 2 gay waitstaff. So at any given average time of 15 customers + 5 staff, that makes 3/20 = 15% gay. There, you've beaten the odds! And you're not even counting the variables - gay customers, closeted colleagues, etc.

But somehow I suspect this is not what you want to hear. You say you're alone, and obviously you're not. So what I think you really mean is that you are looking for a community (going back to what I said about a safety zone). Somewhere to make friends and not be taken advantage of and hurt. Most of all, you yearn for a partner in life.

Guess what? Same rules apply for homo and hetero here. Unless you have talent/beauty/wealth that fairly screams out to the world to be seen, no one is going to queue up and take you by the hand and give you a step by step orientation of the gay world (at least, without motive). A best friend may do that, but first you gotta go out and make friends with that person. And who knows, in a fairy tale, that person will be your soulmate and the one you belong with forever!

The more you surround yourself with PLU (yes, people like YOU), and PLU-friendly people, the higher your chances are of finding a small community of friends and supportive acquiantances (straight, gay or whatever) to call your own.

In Singapore though, the sense of disconnection and self-ishness is too strong, which kinda hinders a true motiveless selfless "community" from being naturally created. What we have now are: 1) nascent politically inclined groups that are fighting very hard for homosexual acts to be legally decriminalised (and note the wording - being gay is not a crime; having gay sex is a crime); and 2) social groups that bring gays together in a social environment where you don't ever have to explain to anyone that you like the same sex because it's so patently natural to us, and where you can let your guard down and simply be the self that you want to be (watching movies about a gay couple; winking at a guy and knowing you won't be punched or arrested) outside of a strict, unapproving society called Singapore.

When I first came to know some gay people in Singapore, I was in despair of ever finding a "true" group of friends to hang with, and who were more than being just party friends. I looked really hard for a community, and then I found one online (RedQueen - for women only). After about a year of reading and listening and understanding, I finally realised that true community begins with yourself. It takes some time, but you need to start with opening yourself up, and learning what YOU are. If you decide you don't want to be hurt, then go ahead and set those boundaries! NO one night stands, no falling for the playboy expatriate, no guilty sex with someone even needier than you, etc. Just don't go too far and set those boundaries so far deep that no one knows you or get to make friends with you. Respect your own boundaries, and let yourself loose with others - if dancing at a party and someone grabs your crotch, smile graciously and turn the situation around (dance closely but no touching/ butt him away with your butt, etc) but hell - KEEP DANCING. That's the thing about life - if you stop the music (learning, experiencing), you stop living.

Again, you're never alone. I have many lovely gay guy friends who don't want to have flings, are decent and loyal and funny and smart, loves a good night out listening to jazz or going to the beach or simply just going to the gym to take care of their bodies (not to cruise), and geez, you guys are all looking for the same thing. So it's not about being alone or isolated, it's really about chemistry and getting along and having friend-making skills. And that's called life skills. Being gay just makes us a little more resourceful, more aware of the bigger issues in life (makes us smarter, I'd say!) but it shouldn't give us a full stop on living a great, fulfilling life!

By the way, "Hetrosexuals enjoy their lives like fuck" is truly as discriminating as anyone can get. You are generalising so much! They are just as prone to the same feelings of aloneless, etc.

This is probably too much to say in one introductory email! But I really hope maybe I've cheered you up a little at least and made some sense.

I'm not going to say I understand fully where you are in life and how to lead it - just want to say, give life and love a chance, and throw it a bone! You'll dig the results, really.

Have a great day!

If you are sending in emails as commentary not for blog publishing, I will be pleased to see a note.

Anyway, about this email, thank you for your contribution and your time, because I know, that to type anything at this length is certainly hard work. I know that limiting the amount of words may turn counter-productive, therefore I threw the idea out the moment I thought of it's effects.

Though I am not too sure about the part you said about the "crotch", but what you said was well said. In Singapore, there are baby steps a gay or bisexual needs to take. The first thing is that we should not be ashamed about ourselves and who we are, and in fact we should bring in some more courage to accept the facts about yourself, and you are out of that boundary. The second, which is the toughest, is the step of coming out. I am at this stage now and I guess I am still a "baby in queer", as I would call it.

The third, is to fight against all odds to go towards social acceptance. As you know the Singapore government adheres to a strict censorship rule towards all content of gay related articles, films, etc. To add to the fire, an often hidden, but clear discrimination to the gay community is present everywhere. Be it in the TV serials you watch, or the papers you read. All government controlled. All somewhat homophobic.

I will not go out to comment all about the Singapore government because it may lead into counter-productive results.

I have personally posted my story in online forums, the plight of homosexuals and bisexuals in Singapore, and the homophobic"ness" of the government controlled press. The respond wasn't sympathy. They expressed disgust, hate, and one in particular said the he was sick of the "discrimination stories and lies when you people (homosexuals) can just stop living this alternative lifestyle".

I can totally understand that. That was where the power of the Singapore government has went.

While being gay in Singapore doesn't really feel like being gay in America, Canada, Japan or even China, heck the laws, homosexual related laws that is. I realised that what I needed now was a good companionship with a circle of homosexuals alike.

Only with good companies can I get a true relationship, and coming out to my family and friends takes a big part in it.

There isn't much I can comment about this great contributor, and I guess he have hit the jackpot. Nevertheless, you can submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

The need for publicity

Posted by: GayGuy

I really want to thank the people that has contributed to this project, those that are reading this blog, and those that have been supporting this project by ways and means.

I am pleased to recieve a publicity video trailer, done up by the famous nineaugust, which can be reached at nineaugust.blogspot.com. He was the creator for the video relating to the NKF saga, which has since recieved numerous thumbs up.

One thing I would like to say is that if you happen to know nineaugust, he's not gay, nor is he bisexual, and yet he is so ever willing to contribute to this project, helping confused homosexual/bisexual teens or adults to cope with their sexual orientation.

The last version (or revised version) of the video will be out hopefully by tomorrow, as mentioned by him/her (someone advise me!). I have seen the video and it was great, just that there are some changes that needs to be made so we wouldn't be conveying the wrong message. After all, he's not gay, and I am already very grateful to his marvellous contribution.

This is NOT a gay/bisexual life story contribution. Contributor has chosen to reveal his/her nickname, but has not advised if the mail address should be shown.

From: nineaugust**@somemailprovider.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi there,

This "Coming Out in Singapore" project is a good idea. Looking around in the region, I guess Singapore could be the most conservative country in this type of topic, even as compared to places like Taiwan and Hong Kong. It's about time to let Singaporeans know more about your people.

Born on Ninth of August and Hysterical would like to do something to help you guys out in the marketing part on the www. This video is given to you to create awareness for this project. It'll also be posted on nineaugust.blogspot.com and willythecop.blogspot.com later to advertise your project too. Though nothing compared to the professionals, but the best effort has been put into it. If you're really using it, I'll advise you to download it to your webserver instead of using the link directly because *removed* might not be hosting this file after August.

*The video link has been removed because it's not done yet!*

Anyway, keep the project going! You've got two confirmed readers here!

Best Regards,
nineaugust (name changed to nineaugust)

Thank you so much for your contribution.

I seriously meant it when I say that your contribution was certainly a valuable one.

So, what this blog needs now is publicity, so that more people know about this blog and thus contribute to this project. If you would like to submit your contributions, in whichever ways, etc. video, please email me at gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com.

I have a request here. I will need your help. If you currently hold a domain name with available hosting space, has unlimited bandwidth, and would like to contribute by hosting the video in your website, please also email me. Your donation is very much appreciated.

So to end off, I will just say that you can submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"Perfectly normal."

Posted by: GayGuy

I was quite surprised at the response ever since the comment I left in Tomorrow.sg as people started leaving their life stories, and sent me emails.

The start of this blog till now, to me, was absolutely life-transforming. I have been happier with who I am and no longer the "Oh God why am I gay why why why?!" attitude. It seems that this desire to open up have never been so strong than before, but I realised that I had no courage. Telling my problem to my parents will not be a big problem I guess, as they are rather open minded, but I know that if I tell them, I will make them cry. That is the last thing I want to do.

Apart from parental acceptance, I think a better way of solving the current anti-gay problems in Singapore was social acceptance. At the government level, this is especially distressing.

I am happy to recieve an email from Queer Singapore's author, which can be reached at http://queersingaporean.blogspot.com.

This contributor has contributed through emailing gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com. She is an anonymous lesbian blogger that blogs about her life as a lesbian, opposition from the Singapore government and relationship issues.

This post may contain some crude language, which have NOT been censored.

From: QueerSingaporean's Author
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Good day =)

I came across to your blog through tomorrow. I'm the blogger from http://queersingaporean.blogspot.com, and like you, that blog is may way of conveying how I feel to the world, hoping that more people would come out and be comfortable with their sexuality. I'm currently 22 and have a partner who is 21. We are both studying in Melbourne University, and I have to say that I feel so blessed to have her with me, and be my roommate at the same time. My life in Melbourne is wonderful as I get to display my affection for her openly. Not that I would wanna fuck her everywhere we go on the streets but more like hold hands, have a bit of hugs and kisses when we feel like it.

Things aren't the same in Singapore, coz whenever we go back to Singapore I feel as if we're just buddies. We can't hold hands, I can't give her pecks on her cheeks whenever I feel like it, and we're just wary that we might bump into our parents or something like that. It's very suffocating at times and it's worse when BOTH our parents are conservative and very chinese and family-oriented. They don't know about our sexuality but my mother and hers has obviously been guessing a wee bit here and there. Things would be really bad if they do find out, I wouldn't be able to pursue my degree anymore and same goes for hers if our parents do know. Fortunately for me, I brought a guy(a gay friend) back home the last semester when I went back to Singapore for my holiday and now they are convinced that I am straight as hell and ready to get married. -_-" I know that sounds stupid but it's the only way I could get them off my back. My parents have both made it very clear that to them, homosexuality is immoral, hence would bring shame and all the bad things you can think off to my family. It is because of their stand towards homosexuality that I have been unable to come out to them.

I do hope that things would change, if only the government doesn't attempt to inject anti-gay sentiments into people through the media and what's not. It gets tiring hearing my parents scolding gays and lesbians and claim that they are the main source of aids (yawn) and people who ought to be burnt to death. It took me quite a while to come to terms to who I am, and my sexuality. I had 2 boyfriends before, but things didn't work out too well. I had gay friends falling for me before but for obvious reasons we never took things any further. It was only after I came to Melbourne that I dared to date girls and I have had 3 girlfriends so far and am most comfortable with the current one. We have in fact decided to take things further by getting engaged. As strange as it sounds yes we want to get engaged as a way to take things to a higher level. I personally know that we may not exactly recieve positive reactions from friends as most of them are heterosexual and would only percieve a true relationship to be between a dick and a pussy. (some of them don't even think that lesbians do fuck)

Nevertheless, as I read your blog with interest, I came to realize that you think you're born gay. I personally am a bit of Freud's follower after taking a bit of Psychology electives. Freud believes that human beings are innately bisexual. It is only at a later stage of life that they start to stray to either side, meaning to the "straight" path or "bent" path. Hence no one is truely born to be straight or born to be gay. It is partly nature and nurture, nature=genes and nurture=how our life experience shapes our sexuality. In order to understand myself a lil better, I have also took a couple of Sexuality electives (something that NUS, NTU and SMU) would never offer for obvious reasons. These electives has allowed me to learn so much more than I ever could about gays, lesbians, bisexual and transexuals and I am glad to say that I am no longer ashamed of myself and my sexuality. People fear what they do not know and I do think that with the correct education, Singaporeans would come to understand that not everyone is mainstream and listens to only pop songs.

I hope this email helps a lil. Good luck with the blogging. =)

Sexuality is never the reason to say no to life. If you yourself is a gay or bisexual, and constantly thinks that you are a freak, I can say you may be a freak one in ten people, but you are certainly not a freak in a hundred.

While the reason of your sexual orientation is still highly debative in today's science, ask yourself if you have made any decision to be gay or bisexual from childhood. If your answer is a firm NO, there you have it, you answered it to yourself that you are gay by nature.

Homophobics aren't freaks too. I believe they have their reason, probably out of disgust, as they view homosexuality as being against the "mainstream" sexuality, that homosexuality is against "the laws of nature". Others became homophobics due to religion, as some religion condemns acts of homosexuality as a whole, while Christianity bears love towards the homosexuals, but condemns "gay acts" as a sin.

Look to the brighter side of your life. My sexuality used to be my concern, and honestly, it is till now. What have changed in me was to view every new day as a start, a new beginning if you like.

So, submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

"Nothing to be ashamed of."

Posted by: GayGuy

One of the greatest challenges a homosexual goes through, is the fact of being embarassed, for being homosexual. There are just some things people don't understand and why we are made this way.

"So is it natural or is it just a choice", a question you may ask but unfortunately, not many people asked.

Let's stay strong together. You may be closeted right now just like me, but the message this blog want to send is that there are so many people facing the same problem as you, living in the same city of Singapore.

You are never alone. You are absolutely normal.

This person has chose to reveal herself as jazz2jazzy as she posted her entry via comments. Some spelling errors has been corrected. No other parts are edited.

From: gaytothebone.blogspot.com via comments: jazz2jazzy.
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi,

Found your blog from your comments on Tommorrow.Sg.

There are many like us out there, YES, even in our straight lace City state of S'pore. Most of us, remain invisible (under the radar) because it is still quite a taboo here and shouting at the top of your lungs that you are a PLU does not go down well with most S'poreans.

I relate to your earlier post on being closetted and constantly fearing the negativity that might befall us if we even let on that we "different" to our friends/ family.

I can relate because I am still quite a closetted lesbian to this day even though I am in a committed relationship with my gf of 7 years.

You will be surprised that our society has come to be more tolerant nowadays. At most raised eyebrows and "tsk tsk" going around, when they see us together as a couple, but that's about it.

What we can do, is to remind the rest that we are still very much the same like everyone else, productive individuals in our respective field of work.

We fall in love, fall out of love, live our dreams and live our life the way we want it to be.

Only difference is that we will not go through the standard marriage, HDB, have 2.5 kids package that seems to define normality in S'pore these days.

Nevertheless, we are around and we have nothing to be ashamed of.

So Cheers!

http://gaytothebone.blogspot.com is a community writing project targeted on gay, bisexual, and lesbian teens to write in their life stories of how they managed through their homosexual/bisexual lifestyle, the stories of coming out of the closet to parents, relatives and friends. It also hopes to educate the public on more gay and lesbian issues, the challenges they face, and to replenish the insufficient education about homosexuality in Singapore that has caused a major homophobic attitudes among teens today.

Please submit your entries either to gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can directly submit your post by leaving a comment in the most recent post, posting as an anonymous contributor. Your email address will be kept private. All contributor's real names are NOT required, unless specified by the contributor with written permission to reveal the identity.

No mails

Posted by: GayGuy

I recieved quite some traffic from Singapore bloggers. I don't believe none are homosexual.

Actually I have been checking my mail everyday, hoping for a new mail, a new thought, a new experience.

I really want this blog to be as life transforming as it can be.

If you have experiences, just like what I had, or the one email I have had, feel free to send it in to share it with everyone. Your contribution counts.

If you are sending in my email, rest assured about your email address. I will not reveal to anyone. If you still feel unsure, feel free to leave an anonymous comment in this blog in the most recent post, and I will post it as soon as I sees it.

Send in your emails to : gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can simply leave an anonymous comment in any of the posts if you do not feel comfortable revealing your email address to me.

Gay isn't a crime

Posted by: GayGuy

Today, I was so happy to recieve one of my first emails that contribute to this blog. Well actually this blog serves as a interaction zone for gay and bisexual people, that I hoped to create.

Send in your stories too, I will love to hear it and I believe readers will love to know about other people's stories too. You are not alone.

This person has chosen not to reveal his identity.

From: *removed*@hotmail.com
To: gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com

Hi. I saw your blog and would like to give you my two cents worth. I am from Singapore, and more or less a bisexual, or if you would claim, a feminine guy.

It's depressing to see that Singaporeans do not like gay or bisexual, but who cares? The most important thing is to get on with life, and not be deterred by any obstacles (being ridiculed, laughed at et cetera).

I've been laughed by my male classmates before, saying that I'm too feminine, but I made my stand, and they all respect me for what I am. I will occassionally get a few touches by my male friends... But I didn't quite enjoy that.

Perhaps I'm being too conservative or something.. Well, I'm not born a bisexual, because my sissy friend swayed my thought when I was Primary 6.

I'm now 16, and I am more into guys then girls. I will only sometimes bitch around with my female friends, which I apparantly enjoyed =P.

Therefore, I would like to end off my e-mail with a light note. Be optimistic with everything, and carry on with your life. Being gay is not a crime.

Cheerio!

Are you experiencing the same problems too? I am experiencing them myself right now and I hope that your contribution can help every single reader feel at least a bit better that they are not alone. I need such encouragements too.

Send in your emails to : gay_2_d_bone@yahoo.com or you can simply leave an anonymous comment in any of the posts if you do not feel comfortable revealing your email address to me.

Thank you.